Insane Wonderings

[bbird]

Ok, about time I started a thread in this section.

Here are some "insane wonderings" for everyone to have a look at and think about.

Please feel free to add many more if you would like to do so!

1. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

2. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. How do I set my laser printer on stun?

5. How is it possible to have a civil war?

6. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

7. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

8. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

9. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

10. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

11. If you're born again, do you have two belly-buttons?

12. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

13. Is a castrated pig disgruntled?

14. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

15. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

16. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

17. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

18. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?

[Enlightened One]

I would love to know how to change my laser printer to stun:)

[dbjac]

:rofl: they are great! :lol:

[bbird]

:rofl: they are great! :lol:

Thanks!

Let's hope that other people on the forum can come up with some more!

[Betty-Anne]

Thanks!

Let's hope that other people on the forum can come up with some more!

Great! I especially like the asteroid one :)

[primal]

If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they stick it to a pan? :confused:

11. If you're born again, do you have two belly-buttons?

the answer is yes :)

[ULTRAPROELITE]

18. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?



i dont think anyone wants to double their odds on having 2 car accidents on the way home from work;)

[Death Ray]

If a racist is 'a person with a prejudiced belief that one race is superior to others';
what does that make an artist or a pianist?

[elvanbowman]

It is interesting that you can change a hole(which is essentially a void) into a whole (something that is complete) simply by adding a w.:cool:

[hoyt for life 2]

if a person plays the piano they are called a pianist what does that make a raceing car driver?

[elvanbowman]

I guess they would not only just be a racist but also a talented motorist.

following this logic then if the pianist is playing with their organ that doesnt alwys men they are and organist:smile:

[bbird]

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

[Jason.P]

i dont think anyone wants to double their odds on having 2 car accidents on the way home from work;)

Then you would live 4.9 kms from work

[ULTRAPROELITE]

Then you would live 4.9 kms from work

Exactly what i did:-D

[Bia]

How did they put on the "Do not step on the grass" sign?

[Clout Master]

Why do you chop a tree down then chop it up??

You can'nt dig 1/2 a hole in the ground!!

Do you put a downpipe up or do you put it down ??

[Sten]

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

:rofl:

[bbird]

Here's Another:

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

[ninevalleys]

why is abbreviation such a long word?

[Hannah]

Who thought up 'mono-syllabillic' for a single syllable word?

[BigMama]

Statistics prove that people will always die within 6 months of their birthday.:eek:

[frommy]

In any given controlled low speed zone, why are speed humps designed that can only be traversed at half of the posted speed?

[Pinky]

Who's cruel idea was it to put an 's' in the word lisp?

[Ant]

What do the French call "French bread"??

[Jay.G]

who discovered we could get milk from cows and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?

[Clare Barnes]

Drawing a woman from the inside out. Not everyone will find it clever but some may...

http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

Couldn't think of the category to post it under and decided it is more of an insane wondering than a joke.

[Flame]

Drawing a woman from the inside out. Not everyone will find it clever but some may...


Excellent :D

[Hannah]

In any given controlled low speed zone, why are speed humps designed that can only be traversed at half of the posted speed?
That's easy, it was for americans who travel consistently at at least 10 MILES over the speed limit ;)

[bbird]

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

[alexvpaq]

Drawing a woman from the inside out. Not everyone will find it clever but some may...

http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

Couldn't think of the category to post it under and decided it is more of an insane wondering than a joke.
Sincerely... Woooooooooooooooooow! that's whoa! and then it goes Whooooooooo and then Ohhhhh! that awesome ;)

[Hannah]

Sincerely... Woooooooooooooooooow! that's whoa! and then it goes Whooooooooo and then Ohhhhh! that awesome ;)
Wow...I think your reaction deserved that response more!

[CMB50]

Drawing a woman from the inside out. Not everyone will find it clever but some may...

http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

Couldn't think of the category to post it under and decided it is more of an insane wondering than a joke.


That's a talent. Impressive. :thumb:

[Hannah]

That's a talent. Impressive. :thumb:
Come on, CMB50 - you could do that, couldn't you? All you need is a pencil and an eraser :lol:

[CMB50]

My drawing would look something like this:

:boobies:

[Jay.G]

Drawing a woman from the inside out. Not everyone will find it clever but some may...

http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

Couldn't think of the category to post it under and decided it is more of an insane wondering than a joke.

Thats awesome! Amazing!

[Progen]

That's a talent. Impressive. :thumb:

:iamwithstupid:

Great stuff there!!!

[coach]

If the all night garages are open for 24/7 , why do they have locks on the doors ?

[Brocky]

If styrofoam is designed for safe packing, what do they send the syyrofoam in before packing.:o

[Brocky]

If an abbreviation is so short, why is the word so large.

[frommy]

Drawing a woman from the inside out. Not everyone will find it clever but some may...

http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

Couldn't think of the category to post it under and decided it is more of an insane wondering than a joke.

She has pars interarticularis defect at about T3/T4. :cool:

Well done though. :thumb:

[alexvpaq]

If styrofoam is designed for safe packing, what do they send the syyrofoam in before packing.:o
knifes and rocks

[bbird]

Here's one for the ladies:

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

[Progen]

Here's one for the ladies:

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

In my best lady voice, 'None.'

We guys are smarter than we look. Most times. :silly:

[Hannah]

In my best lady voice, 'None.'

We guys are smarter than we look. Most times. :silly:
Your best lady voice sucks ;)

[shannonhearse]

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there.... I'm gonna eat the
next thing that comes outta it's arse".

[bbird]

Is a nymphomaniac bed-ridden?

[Brocky]

We guys are smarter than we look. Most times. :silly:
Thanks for wrecking that theory :thumb:

[enseth]

If mortality is declining does that mean more peple are reaching immortality?

[Progen]

Thanks for wrecking that theory :thumb:

Don't stop flapping those wings, birdie boy. You're getting nowhere. ;)

[shannonhearse]

Why does a gynaecologist leave the room when a woman gets undressed if they are
going to look up there anyway?

[bbird]

How important does a person have to be before they are considered to be assassinated instead of just murdered?

[paulrb]

Why does a gynaecologist leave the room when a woman gets undressed if they are
going to look up there anyway?


To prove they don't really want to look.

[Progen]

"The investigations and the referral of charges have been done as quickly as possible, but no quicker -- no slower, no faster," he said. "The intent is to move through the process as quickly as we can, making sure that we take the necessary time to ensure a complete, full, impartial execution of the process."

Marine Col. Stewart Navarre on the Haditha civilian deaths investigations

:confused: :confused: :confused:

[maskn]

If you have to find Jesus, does that mean his lost?

[bbird]

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift ?

[frommy]

Do council rangers work dogwatch?

[Archangel]

If a cat is in trouble, do you send it to the doghouse?

[burt666]

Why Do Men Have Nipples?:o

[The One]

Why Do Men Have Nipples?:o

Because otherwise nipple gripples would be ineffective.

[bbird]

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

[maskn]

Why do they use sterile needles in lethal injections?

[Kite]

Do you experience G forces in space? (Zero gravity)

[The One]

Do you experience G forces in space? (Zero gravity)

Yes

[R.K]

Do you experience G forces in space? (Zero gravity)


Sorry to be a wet towel. Yes

[Kite]

Sorry to be a wet towel. Yes

Yes

Do you experience G forces in space? (Zero gravity)

thought somone might bite:thumb: ...
Then what's the G stand for???

[The One]

thought somone might bite:thumb: ...
Then what's the G stand for???

"Gravitational", but it is a misnomer, just like "centrifugal force", as it is not gravitational forces acting at all, merely the result of centripetal acceleration.

;)

[Kite]

"Gravitational", but it is a misnomer, just like "centrifugal force", as it is not gravitational forces acting at all, merely the result of centripetal acceleration.

;)

It's Newtons laws at work...


I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.

II. The relationship between an object's mass m, its acceleration a, and the applied force F is F = ma. Acceleration and force are vectors. In this law the direction of the force vector is the same as the direction of the acceleration vector.

III. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

here is a link for anyone who cares
http://www.madsci.org/posts/archives/2000-11/973334304.As.r.html


The G is my insane wondering:silly:

[alexvpaq]

If something illogical is considered as logical is now the illogicality of it being logically illogic or is it now illogically logic?

huh... easier to say in my own language lol! but if you want to lose people in a conversation these sort of things are the best !:thumb:

[Kite]

If something illogical is considered as logical is now the illogicality of it being logically illogic or is it now illogically logic?

Nicely put:thumb:

[bbird]

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up nearly every two hours?

[kae]

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up nearly every two hours?

Depends what you dose them with......

[Clare Barnes]

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=253168

I appreciated the reporting in a ninemsn article on today's terrible Garuda plane crash today in Indonesia:


Treasurer Peter Costello told reporters Mr Downer was not on board the plane.

"Obviously it's a tragedy," he said.

[ReG_C]

did he want mr Downer on the plane?

[alexvpaq]

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=253168

I appreciated the reporting in a ninemsn article on today's terrible Garuda plane crash today in Indonesia:
:rofl:

[bbird]

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

[Arun Nicklen]

Why do we pay more for airbags in cars when we hope never to use them. :silly:

[rabbitz]

Statistics prove that people will always die within 6 months of their birthday.:eek:

I got to thinking (insanely) about this....
What if your birthday was Feb 29th ?

Thus not ALL people...

Man now I've got a headache

[rabbitz]

If your park your car on a driveway, why then do you drive your car on a parkway?

[bbird]

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

[alexvpaq]

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
So when your toaster is slowly going away to toasters heaven you can turn the power a bit more to get some toast even in it's last day... :thumb:

[The One]

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Because if someone offered you a 400W toaster or a 200W toaster, any man in his right mind would get the one with the higher power, because it is naturally more powerful and hence better :)

[Brocky]

They also know that you want to see how much you can burn a piece of toast before setting off the fire alarms when staying at a hotel. It also means you have to buy more bread.

[Archangel]

They also know that you want to see how much you can burn a piece of toast before setting off the fire alarms when staying at a hotel. It also means you have to buy more bread.
From my observations, flyspray is more effective.

[The One]

From my observations, flyspray is more effective.

Rather, those fire engines were along quite speedily! :o

[Brocky]

From my observations, flyspray is more effective.
Yes & I have always found that bursting through the oppositions door at around 1 am with a extinguisher, spraying the #### out of everything is a great relief. Knowing that they have not been burnt from a fire which may have occured :thumb:

[katzgrin]

Yes & I have always found that bursting through the oppositions door at around 1 am with a extinguisher, spraying the #### out of everything is a great relief. Knowing that they have not been burnt from a fire which may have occured :thumb:

I have been wondering if you would get better soda water by using a CO2 fire extinguisher instead of those puny little bulbs they supply. Now let's see Mythbusters do that! :grin:

[bbird]

If the Professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

[User-Name]

Whats the point? women win eventually.

[Brocky]

If the Professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Because the coconuts aren't big enough to fill the hole.

[Erica Nigol]

Because the coconuts aren't big enough to fill the hole.

sounds logical to me!

[Erica Nigol]

can vegans eat animal crackers?

[Ja]

Ok, about time I started a thread in this section.

16. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
?

if no one has answered this already. The black box material is too heavy to make an entire plane out of it, they would need very powerful engines.

[Erica Nigol]

Have you ever wondered about a world with no hypothetical situations?

[Patchy]

why do i like smaking other peoples naughty children in the supermarket.. hmmm

[bbird]

if Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

[Patchy]

if Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

You just blew my mind

[NormB]

where does your lap go when u stand up?

[Jason.P]

if Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Because he had so much money he had to blow it on some thing.

[bbird]

Do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

[Little Archer]

If an abbreviation is so short, why is the word so large. :deadhorse: already had it...but anyway...

[orchyboy]

What if this wasn't a hypothetical question?

[Little Archer]

What if this wasn't a hypothetical question?
:rofl: Oh dear... good 1 :multi:

[orchyboy]

:)

[ReG_C]

If you notice this notice, you'll notice this notice is not worth noticing :silly:

[orchyboy]

This is a pointless statement.

[frommy]

If cycling is so friendly to the environment, how come that thousands of plastic drink bottles thrown all over France justifies that statement? ;)

:D

[orchyboy]

Four men who were very courteous all approached a round-about at the exact same time, traveling in each direction. No one was in the round-about and they all looked to the right to give way. What would happen?

[Clare Barnes]

Advert on AT:

H & M Bow Strings
Built for Archers from an Archer

I wonder which bit of the archer is used? :-?

[Hannah]

Four men who were very courteous all approached a round-about at the exact same time, traveling in each direction. No one was in the round-about and they all looked to the right to give way. What would happen?
They would all say "hi" and proceed through the roundabout in perfect synchronization.

[rachel]

my uncle got asked that question by a cop for his driving test (many, many, many, many years ago), but it was stop signs at an intersection.

[Clare Barnes]

http://tinyurl.com/or57e

Don't blink as it does involve archery...:D

[Erica Nigol]

http://tinyurl.com/or57e

Don't blink as it does involve archery...:D

very cleverly done!

[forrie]

http://tinyurl.com/or57e

Don't blink as it does involve archery...:D


http://alanbecker.deviantart.com/art/Animator-vs-Animation-II-50891749

number 2

[Archangel]

Have seen the first one of those before but not the second - it's great!

The second reminds me a bit of the icon war (http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/icon.htm).

[frommy]

:rofl:

Very clever stuff. :thumb:

[Archangel]

They would all say "hi" and proceed through the roundabout in perfect synchronization.
Indeed. There's a situation a little like that near my work - a sort of slightly offset crossroads, so if you're in sync a car can turn right from both, but if not they have to go one at a time.
About 50% of the time it actually works nicely, which restores my faith in people's driving somewhat :-)

[bbird]

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he get's mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

[fletcher]

How do they get so much chew into chewing gum

[fletcher]

Why do we always post the mail?
Ever try posting the femail

[fletcher]

I was asked the other day.

If it took an elephant a week to walk a fortnight how many apples in a bunch of grapes?

.......Try work some sense out of that lot.

[Hannah]

Why do we always post the mail?
Ever try posting the femail
People do it whenever they get a bride from o/s :silly:

[bbird]

Why is it called 'tourist season" if we can't shoot them? :)

[fletcher]

Why is it the cars in front are always going twice as slow when you are trying to get some where twice as fast :frusty:

[Stropp]

How do they get so much chew into chewing gum

because it actually has rubber in it, similar to blue tac

[fletcher]

They both taste the same when I was younger Blue tack/chewing gum

[bbird]

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

[Sir.Nightingale]

when your in heaven who do u take ur complaints about it not being all its cracked up to be too? god will get offended

[frommy]

Why is it that most of the bad guys in Texas have advanced martial arts skills requiring the talents of Rangers like Chuck Norris and his side kick Tonto, while in other areas of the USA other lawmen, like Segal, JCvD and Willis do not have the same problem?

:silly:

[Sir.Nightingale]

"only stears and queers come from texas"

there not using martial arts to heart him, just subdue him this is Chuck Norris we are talking about hes been voted most wanted man in texas, because we all know hes done everything

[whiz]

That would be "Steers"....

[bbird]

Back on topic:

Can you cry underwater?

:silly:

[Pianochick]

Only if you want your eyes to start hurting.

[rachel]

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run forpresident and over fifty for Miss America ?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow..that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it..
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

[themadarcher]

[QUOTE=rachel]Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. [\QUOTE]
That is just brilliance!

Good friends come and go, but enemies accumulate!

[Pianochick]

I'm insanely wondering why Whiz is banned?

[Kite]

you are automatically expelled from the forum when you amass 1085544 rep points

[Pianochick]

then what's Oompa Loompa still doing here...

[Kite]

Once you get back over 4000000 rep points you are automatically reinstated.
Best start repping him now if you want to see him back :D

[Pianochick]

Lol, does it work the other way, with neg rep :P

[Kite]

Nope

[Clare Barnes]

The people at the commercial supplier our library uses (Infotrieve) compile a list of weird article titles people request them to obtain. If you use Google Scholar (scholar.google.com) you'll find many of them do in fact exist!

Pressures Produced When Penguins Pooh - Calculations On Avian Defecation

Penis Extrusion In Humpback Whales.

Ice Cream Evoked Headaches (Ice-H) Study: Randomised Trial Of Accelerated Versus Cautious Ice Cream Eating Regimen.

How Aphids Lose Their Marbles.

Rodeos--From A Bull's Point Of View.

Undertakers' Sense Of Humor.

Predicting Outcome In Pediatric Coin Ingestion.

Effect Of Death Of Diana, Princess Of Wales On Suicide And Deliberate Self-Harm.

Shaken, Not Stirred: Bioanalytical Study Of The Antioxidant Activities Of Martinis.

Face Flambe, Injury From Flaming Drink.

Presumed Ethanol Intoxication In Sheep Dogs Fed Uncooked Pizza Dough.

Saxophone Headaches.

The Alien Hand Syndrome. Clinical And Postmortem Findings.

The Haggis Tolerance Test In Scots And Sassenachs.

Soda Pop Vending Machine Injuries.

On The Plausibility Of Superman's X-Ray Vision

A Method To Study Short-Term Memory (STM) in the Goldfish.

On Crying, Weeping And Laughing As Defences Against Sexual Drives, With Special Consideration Of Adolescent Giggling.

An Analysis of the Forces Required to Drag Sheep over Various Surfaces

Renegotiating the Australian Legend:

[Pianochick]

I'm insanely wondering why Whiz is banned?


Hehe, stupid me...

[Clare Barnes]

Another take on stats :D:

http://www.chrisjordan.com:80/current_set2.php

[katzgrin]

Clare is running a seminar next week.

"The Bored Librarian. Is the internet, and internet research, threatening the long term existance of the modern Librarian?"

[Sir.Nightingale]

Is the internet, and internet research, threatening the long term existance of the modern Librarian?"

heres hoping every librarian ive ever known has hated me - and most of them are crazy like actually

[Woodie]

[frommy]

How TF does a mouse get into a dishwasher, which has a bottom hinged door, and the top is only open, after unloading, by about 3cms at the top, under a bench overhang? :confused:

Unusual smell in the house tonight; investigate and find dead mouse in the bottom of the dishwasher. Filter is in place in the drain hole, so it cannot be through there. :(

Broiled mouse anyone. :)

[whiz]

http://www.fkrohn.com/images_crackers/mission_impossible_mouse.jpg