Old Light Relief Thread [Archive] - Page 10 - Archery Forum

dabrickwall

04-11-2005, 03:43 PM

A man is riding through the desert on his camel and finds a sudden urge to have sex. Realising that there are no women around he turns to his camel. Just as he tries to position it, it turns around and bites him on the balls. He gives up and carrys on riding.

A few days later he gets the same feeling all over again, still there are no women around so again he is forced to rely on his camel. However, as he tries to position it, the camel bites him on the balls again. As before he gives up and carries on riding. A couple of days later, he reaches a small village only to find 3 gorgeous looking blondes in the back of a mini cooper. One of them gets out of the car and approaches him.

"Excuse me" she said "but could you fix our car, as we have just broken down, we'll offer you anything in return?"

Knowing alot about mechanics the man takes up the offer and agrees to fix their car. An hour later, the man had fixed the car and all three blondes walked up to him.

"Thank you very much, thats great!" said the first blonde.

"Well what do you want us to do?" said the second.

"We'll do anything!" said the third

After thinking about this for a while the man replies "Can you hold my camel's head still?"

Rednock

04-11-2005, 08:24 PM

A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the rather good looking blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says, "sorry do you know me?"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, "Oh no"! He says "Are you that strip-o-gram on my stag night that I had on the snooker table in front of all my mates, whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my a****!?"
"No," she replies coldly, "I'm your sons' English Teacher"......

dabrickwall

05-11-2005, 09:16 AM

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way,my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend?

She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate.

She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned.

I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house.

I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

The One

06-11-2005, 05:04 PM

Declaration of Revocation
by John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.
You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up

Peter King

06-11-2005, 05:47 PM

The One wrote:

Declaration of Revocation
by John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America...etc

brilliant! would that it were so :lol:

New Tricks

07-11-2005, 10:50 PM

New member for the Oz compound team.....

http://www.alldumb.com/item/18253/

07-11-2005, 11:02 PM

Poor kid

jamie

08-11-2005, 01:13 PM

Is this you?

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started...

During a visit to the Mental Asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug." Do you want a room with or without a view?

08-11-2005, 01:19 PM

http://www.****allyall.com/article1863.html

worth the wait, this episode was actually broadcasted on TV to youngsters

BrokenArr0w

08-11-2005, 05:12 PM

LOL! thats sick.. :rofl:

dbjac

08-11-2005, 09:38 PM

hmmm interesting, but fake... i call BS

08-11-2005, 09:39 PM

english show during the 70s and 80s, ya never know

Rednock

08-11-2005, 10:02 PM

Not fake, not quite genuine either. It was from a comedy sketch for adults.

Action Man

09-11-2005, 09:44 AM

It was actually scripted and performed by the cast and crew of Rainbow as a Christmas in house joke. It was entered by the cast into a yearly out-take/bloopers competition. Which i believe they won.

unclepete

09-11-2005, 01:02 PM

I'm bored

http://www.urban75.org/useless/bored.html

Bia

10-11-2005, 12:02 AM

http://www.urban75.org/useless/bored.html

:rofl:

Already put it in my Favorites list! thank you!

StevenB

10-11-2005, 07:06 AM

http://www.bleacheatingfreaks.com//files/News.11.6.5/iPod/Iqaeda.gif

Milkovitsch

10-11-2005, 03:13 PM

This is driving me insane;

http://www.lilgames.com/games/strategy/pushpull.swf

primal

10-11-2005, 04:04 PM

This is driving me insane;

http://www.lilgames.com/games/strategy/pushpull.swf

yes it would

bigfella

10-11-2005, 09:19 PM

I had a bunch of Aussie dollars I needed to exchange so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. I chose the shortest line, just one guy in front of me. He was an Asian guy who was trying to
exchange Yen for dollars and he was a little agitated.

He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla
fo Yen. Today I get hunat eighty?"

The teller says, "Fluctuations."

The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white guys too!"

Bia

10-11-2005, 11:37 PM

frommy

11-11-2005, 07:52 AM

Bia,

The worst part is reading it out loud at work so I can get it! hahahahahha

The answer would be to work, instead of checking the forums every 15 minutes. :wink: 8) :lol:

Bia

12-11-2005, 12:20 AM

iscap_boy

12-11-2005, 12:33 AM

Bia

12-11-2005, 12:34 AM

Bia,

[quote]The worst part is reading it out loud at work so I can get it! hahahahahha

The answer would be to work, instead of checking the forums every 15 minutes. :wink: 8) :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

But Im BOOOOOOOOOORED! :D

O qu

DanceswithDingoes

12-11-2005, 12:45 AM

Bia,

The worst part is reading it out loud at work so I can get it! hahahahahha

The answer would be to work, instead of checking the forums every 15 minutes. :wink: 8) :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

But Im BOOOOOOOOOORED! :D
werent bored with him were you Bia? :lol:
http://jasiq.fotosimg.uol.com.br/bras2005/images/Praia_Rael_colorido.jpg

Bia

12-11-2005, 01:03 AM

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Poor friend of mine! He will sue me for putting his pic on the net!

And I was very focused on the Championship! 8)

Shermo

13-11-2005, 03:47 PM

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b108/shermo/img3e265c47a8a72.jpg

bigfella

13-11-2005, 08:11 PM

A man staggers into the surgery with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
The doctor asks him what happened.
"Well I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows."
"We went to look for them, and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.
I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.
And that's when I made my big mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'
"I don't remember much after that."

Eberbachl

13-11-2005, 08:18 PM

:rofl:

13-11-2005, 08:20 PM

:rofl:

nice one

hoyt for life 2

20-11-2005, 04:05 PM

http://galeria.e-polityka.pl/galeria/data/media/8/saddam-gillette.jpg

hoyt for life 2

21-11-2005, 03:51 PM

[quote]2005 Dodge Magnum Police Car

http://www.mavromatic.com/images/2005-MAGNUM.jpg
We

SOLAR

21-11-2005, 04:48 PM

One for the kiwis

http://www.42below.com/flashad/storyof42/index.html

Chris

NormB

21-11-2005, 06:18 PM

OMFG :o
That is Hilarious... :D
(Btw I am Maori... )
What a crackup....

21-11-2005, 10:23 PM

NOT FUNNY.

SOLAR

21-11-2005, 11:29 PM

NormB

Sweat as bro. I have a lot of kiwi mates, and it was one of them that sent it to me.

Chris

Flehrad

22-11-2005, 07:59 AM

MONDAY 21/11/2005 12:51:33
Bag-snatch suspect knocks himself out

An alleged bag snatcher was caught after accidentally knocking himself out by running into a wall, police today said.

The 27-year-old male allegedly snatched a handbag belonging to woman in Gloucester city centre on Saturday morning.

But as he tried to get away he collided with a wall and knocked himself unconscious.

The man was taken to Gloucester Royal Hospital where he was treated for his injuries, arrested and then charged with robbery.

Gloucestershire police spokeswoman Zoe Young said: "The incident occurred at around 10.15am on Saturday November 19, when a male offender snatched a handbag from 21-year-old Newent woman, approaching her from behind.

"After grabbing the bag the offender ran off but collided with a wall, knocking himself unconscious."

The man, of no fixed abode, has been charged with robbery and remanded in custody.

The woman was not injured during the incident.

unclepete

22-11-2005, 08:40 AM

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat she said,

"Sir, I asked to see your ticket, not your stub."

unclepete

22-11-2005, 08:42 AM

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said,....."I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head spinning and her stomach upside down.

Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a theater to see Star Wars - more hot dogs, popcorn, cola and sweets.

At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant the dress size."

Cutthroat

23-11-2005, 07:05 AM

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets
him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the
table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box,
then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do,
we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything
resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to sit down and relax.
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....."
he sighed, "...let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box." :D :D :D

unclepete

23-11-2005, 07:35 AM

A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink. Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink. After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and broken, tail was crooked and patches of hair were falling out. The bartender took one look and said, "How did it go last night?"

The mouse said, "Man, that was the best sex I ever had."

The bartender asked, "Why do you look so bad?"

The mouse replied, "Hey between the kissing and the screwing I must have run 10 miles!"

primal

23-11-2005, 09:54 AM

The mouse replied, "Hey between the kissing and the screwing I must have run 10 miles!"

GOLD!!!!!! :D

andrewf87

24-11-2005, 08:48 PM

Whats happening here ;)

http://survivalistbooks.com/John_Howard.jpg

unclepete

24-11-2005, 09:03 PM

:rofl:

dbjac

24-11-2005, 10:48 PM

trust andrew to be into that...

robbo

25-11-2005, 06:17 AM

An oldie, but still funny. :D

dbjac

25-11-2005, 07:32 PM

http://winterrowd.com/maze.swf

Liam

25-11-2005, 08:33 PM

http://winterrowd.com/maze.swf

Hahahahaha, that's the most decent opne of those I ever seen.

It actually seems like something fun... :lol:

BrokenArr0w

25-11-2005, 08:34 PM

^^ lol.. seen it before...

dbjac

25-11-2005, 08:49 PM

it pretty funny tho!

primal

25-11-2005, 10:56 PM

got me :o :o :o

Eberbachl

26-11-2005, 12:10 AM

http://winterrowd.com/maze.swf

Man,

That is tough!

:rofl:

Patchy

26-11-2005, 08:48 AM

http://winterrowd.com/maze.swf

I believe i had a heart attack :o [/code]

unclepete

26-11-2005, 09:25 AM

http://winterrowd.com/maze.swf

Bugger. Chair soilage.

2Dogs

26-11-2005, 12:56 PM

:rofl: :rofl:

Oh you bastards!!..... my 6 year old just ran out of the room crying

Eberbachl

26-11-2005, 02:19 PM

:rofl: :rofl:

Oh you bastards!!..... my 6 year old just ran out of the room crying

Yeah, last night when I did it, I had to go and find a clean pair of undies!

:o

:rofl:

coach

26-11-2005, 02:49 PM

Thats just stupid ,, Maybe a warning for those with a bad heart might be in order :wink:
Freestyler is still pissing herself laughing at me ! :x

dbjac

26-11-2005, 03:40 PM

:rofl: thats great!

good to see it was effective... it got me too, so i though, this has to go on the forum

unclepete

26-11-2005, 04:22 PM

Thats just stupid ,, Maybe a warning for those with a bad heart might be in order :wink:
Freestyler is still pissing herself laughing at me ! :x

GOLD!!!

coach

26-11-2005, 04:29 PM

Can have a laugh now, but at the time ,, earphones and mouse went everywhere ,, scared the poo outta me :roll: :lol: :lol:

wareagle

26-11-2005, 08:32 PM

I had a 12yr. and 13yr grandaughter on each side of me, thanks a lot,
[[[[[[[ now all I can hear is ringing]]]]]]]]]]]

2Dogs

26-11-2005, 10:05 PM

Yep, my ears are still ringing. From the lecture Rachel gave me afterwards :D

Poor ol Seano was bit traumatised by it all..............character building I told her! :D

Patchy

27-11-2005, 08:36 AM

was it the girl out of the exorcist or the ring couldnt tell , i ripped the power cord out of the socket :D

unclepete

27-11-2005, 09:55 AM

Patchy, great avatar

Patchy

27-11-2005, 03:24 PM

Thank you, I stole it myself :wink:

Milkovitsch

28-11-2005, 12:21 PM

http://tian.greens.org/PaloAltoPeaceRally/GoodAndBadBush.jpg

ColinS

28-11-2005, 02:13 PM

http://winterrowd.com/maze.swf
That reminds me of something that a "friend" e-mailed me a while ago. I figured it'd be on the 'net somewhere, and sure enough, Google gives plenty of hits. Here's one of them....

http://video.greatestjournal.com/node/1828

primal

28-11-2005, 03:27 PM

Shermo

28-11-2005, 04:00 PM

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b108/shermo/untitled.jpg

ozther

28-11-2005, 05:19 PM

:rofl: the original Mud Map....

http://members.dodo.com.au/~ozther/1720originalmudmap.jpg

well I thought it was good :lol:

.

Archangel

28-11-2005, 07:02 PM

primal

30-11-2005, 03:17 PM

oldy but a goody.

- http://www.the-andersons.id.au/andersons/caleb/Star_Wars_Kid_0550.wmv
-http://www.the-andersons.id.au/andersons/caleb/Star_Wars_Kid_Remix_020.wmv
-http://www.the-andersons.id.au/andersons/caleb/Star_Wars_Kid_version_1.5_060.wmv
-http://www.the-andersons.id.au/andersons/caleb/SWK-LOTOR_030.wmv
That's not the fat kid who's the 'Last Hope of the Jedi' by any chance?
I'd watch them to find out, but they seem to be a slightly unusual codec which is confusing Xine :-(

yes it is the fat kid with the golf ball retriever ninja style .http://www.the-andersons.id.au/andersons/caleb/one_samurai.gif

i so want to have a go at linux users right now but i respect you too much :wink: :bday:

primal

30-11-2005, 03:17 PM

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b108/shermo/untitled.jpg

hay sherm, thats gold.

Shermo

01-12-2005, 08:57 PM

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b108/shermo/santa.jpg

Milkovitsch

02-12-2005, 09:09 AM

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y93/GBM2004/Bees.jpg

unclepete

03-12-2005, 09:21 AM

A man goes to the zoo.
When he gets there, there was only a dog.
It was a ****zu.

beetle

03-12-2005, 11:26 AM

A man goes to the zoo.
When he gets there, there was only a dog.
It was a ****zu.

:rofl:

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/2thumbs.gif

unclepete

03-12-2005, 04:06 PM

Not so much funny as very cool

http://uploads.ungrounded.net/221000/221483_Play.swf

...but then I'm easily amused :)

Eberbachl

03-12-2005, 04:20 PM

Not so much funny as very cool

http://uploads.ungrounded.net/221000/221483_Play.swf

...but then I'm easily amused :)

Very cool ;)

andrewf87

03-12-2005, 10:58 PM

http://www.rofl.name/asciiart/

03-12-2005, 11:04 PM

thats pretty clever

unclepete

04-12-2005, 08:56 AM

The walking man right at the bottom is awesome

unclepete

04-12-2005, 09:11 AM

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class,

"Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body which, under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this."

With that she sat down red-faced.

Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.

Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

"Correct," said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you.
One, you have not studied your lesson.
Two, you have a dirty mind.
And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

Clare Barnes

04-12-2005, 05:41 PM

I know it's been around a few years but I've not seen it on AF before (though will no doubt have it pointed out to me now!). It's long but worth the read... :D

The letter to the bank below is an actual letter sent to a bank in the United States. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account by $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness. No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 2003, taking as my model, the procedures, attitudes, and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater compliment and I know you will be excited and proud.

I have noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, ever-changing, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your branch whom you must nominate.

You will be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further by introducing you to my new telephone system, which you will notice, is very much like yours. My Authorised Contact at your bank, the only person with whom I will have any dealings, may call me at any time and will be answered by an automated voice service:

Press buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the Authorised Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may on occasion involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. This month I've chosen a refrain from "The Best of Woody Guthrie": "Oh, the banks are made of marble, With a guard at every door, And the vaults are filled with silver, That the miners sweated for."

On a more serious note, we come to the matter of cost. As your bank has often pointed out, the ongoing drive for greater efficiency comes at a cost which you have always been quick to pass on to me. Let me repay your kindness by passing some costs back. First, there is a matter of advertising material you send me. This I will read for a fee of $20 per page.

Inquiries from the Authorised Contact will be billed at $5 per minute of my time spent in response. Any debits to my account, as, for example, in the matter of the penalty for the dishonoured check, will be passed back to you.

New phone service runs at 75 cents a minute. You will be well advised to keep your inquiries brief and to the point. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client,
(Name Withheld)

katzgrin

04-12-2005, 09:23 PM

The letter to the bank below is an actual letter sent to a bank in the United States. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

I like it. :D

A few years back I tried a similar thing only to discover that the bank lacked a certain sense of fun.

In the days when a credit card was such a precious item, that it could not be trusted to the postal system, one had to go to the bank in person to collect the precious card. I received a letter advising me that my card was available for collection at the branch at the corner of Ainslie and Commonwealth in Canberra.

As a Sydney-sider I was intrigued by the added security and looked forward to a trip to Canberra. I wrote to the bank, congratulating them on their innovative joint promotion with the Canberra Tourist Bureau, and said that I was looking forward to the complimentary tickets to Canberra. Not being greedy I was quite happy to accept train tickets.

The Blue and White bank sent a very straight laced reply telling me that I had been issued with "a Canberra number" in error and that a new card was available at my local branch. Because the old card had been cancelled they could not accept a payment on it nor could they transfer the balance to the new number, however they could sent me statements and letters threatening legal action for non-payment. In frustration I returned the new card (in very small pieces) with a letter threatening legal action if they did not rectify the matter. We have not had dealings since.

bigfella

05-12-2005, 07:44 AM

OMFG :o
That is Hilarious... :D
(Btw I am Maori... )
What a crackup....

Hey Norm where have you been :P

dabrickwall

06-12-2005, 07:26 PM

Dont know about you but it sounds like a plan

http://www.allfunpix.com/fun_signs/pics/drive_through.jpg

bigfella

06-12-2005, 07:37 PM

Dont know about you but it sounds like a plan

http://www.allfunpix.com/fun_signs/pics/drive_through.jpg

Could only happen in NZ or China. Saw some hilarious signs there! One advised that climbing was banned.. where was it?? on the Great Wall :)

John K

06-12-2005, 08:14 PM

An educational song (accompanied by WoW animation) all about what the Internet is for:

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=lr_HR-iIlYg

Probably not work safe.

dabrickwall

08-12-2005, 11:02 AM

Could only happen in NZ or China. Saw some hilarious signs there! One advised that climbing was banned.. where was it?? on the Great Wall :)[/quote]

lol that would probably happen in nz, for example on a toliet door at one of the public events had a sign that said "please use other door" but it was a portable toliet, theres only one door.

ColinS

08-12-2005, 11:27 AM

I just stumbled across the Worth 1000 website. This one seems worthy of mention here.....

http://www.worth1000.com/emailthis.asp?entry=211037

I wonder if they come in matched sets? 8)

ColinS

08-12-2005, 12:46 PM

Another archery-related picture from the same site....

http://www.worth1000.com/emailthis.asp?entry=106742

But I prefer the previous one.

abaggs

08-12-2005, 01:30 PM

lol...pitty the guy in the first one is using a left handed bow (guess that's the US army for you though...rofl)

ColinS

08-12-2005, 02:57 PM

And another......

http://www.worth1000.com/emailthis.asp?entry=50678

hoyt for life 2

08-12-2005, 03:45 PM

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to
place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark,
saying, "Jesus is watching you.

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and
froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised
himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on
and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo
out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus
is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the
source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight
beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot
confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name the Rottweiler behind you Jesus."

Eberbachl

08-12-2005, 05:42 PM

A very cool game I was sent this afternoon ;)

http://www.banditos.info/speles/sobersanta2.swf

Get with the spirit of Christmas :D

I scored 837 so far.

:bday:

Action Man

08-12-2005, 11:43 PM

Four people are sitting in a compartment on a train, travelling through the Alps. An old Greek woman, a Sweedish girl with big boobs, a Kiwi guy and an Aussie guy.
The train enters a tunnel and everything goes dark. Suddenly a loud slap is heard an seconds later the train emerges from the tunnel. The Kiwi guy is sitting there with a nasty looking red hand print on his face.
Nobody says anything but the Greek woman thinks "That Kiwi boy must have tried to molest the young girl and she gave him a slap"
The Sweedish girl thinks to herself "That Kiwi guy must have tried to touch my boobs, missed and grabbed the old woman and she has slapped him"
The Kiwi guy is thinking "That damn Aussie must have tried to grope the young girl, she thought it was me and slapped me"

The Aussie guy is sitting there thinking "Man, I can't wait for the next tunnel so i can slap that Kiwi again"

CMB50

09-12-2005, 01:35 AM

A very cool game I was sent this afternoon ;)

http://www.banditos.info/speles/sobersanta2.swf

Get with the spirit of Christmas :D

I scored 837 so far.

:bday:

985 :)

Robert43

09-12-2005, 07:16 AM

Milkovitsch

09-12-2005, 07:23 AM

How cool are you?

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

.

primal

09-12-2005, 09:04 AM

How cool are you?

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

.

hay it told me that i was the coolest guy the world had ever know. WOW, imagine that. Me. The coolest. :P

grantwomack

09-12-2005, 09:42 AM

Santa Game - 1262. (might help if you've had a few beforehand, seemed to work for me!)

Strangely, that's also my best ever tournament FITA score!

mbomike

09-12-2005, 08:53 PM

A very cool game I was sent this afternoon ;)

http://www.banditos.info/speles/sobersanta2.swf

Get with the spirit of Christmas :D

I scored 837 so far.

:bday:

:rofl: that is a crack up. I love it. (reminds me of OD) :wink: :D

hoyt for life 2

10-12-2005, 12:47 PM

Brian Hugh Warner, aka Marilyn Manson gets married to dita von Teese

On December 3, 2005 at the Ireland home of their artist friend, Austrian Gottfried Helnwein, Marilyn and Dita entered the Great Hall of the castle under gothic arches and with harp music playing. They said their vows to one another at midnight.

The conventional, non-denominational wedding ceremony at Castle Gurteen Le Poer in Kilsheelan, County Tipperary was officiated by their Chilean friend, underground film director, Alejandro Jodorowsky before 60 guests.

Music was provided by Max Raabe, a German singer and bandleader. The guests were served a gothic banquet in the castle's dining room.

Guests at the classy and stylish wedding included Lisa Marie Presley, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, Keanu Reeves, David Lynch, and Eric Szmanda. Many of the couple's guests stayed at the Conservatory of the Kilshane House where a 9 p.m. supper on Friday night before the wedding began the celebration.

Guests were invited to participate in skeet shooting, archery and falconry in the days following the wedding.

she must be mad

Clare Barnes

11-12-2005, 12:47 PM

Another long read sorry, but good info for travellers coming to Australia! :D

Travelling by the seat of your Speedos
By Deidre Macken in the Financial Review

Got friends from overseas coming to Australia for the summer? If you want to spare them the ignominy of watching them wandering around in socks and sandals or trying to spot kangaroos downtown, here

unclepete

11-12-2005, 01:03 PM

Good summary :)

abaggs

11-12-2005, 09:18 PM

We had a german on traineeship with my dad...broke ALL those rules

:rofl:

ozther

11-12-2005, 09:32 PM

freaky..... :o

http://members.dodo.com.au/~ozther/trippyeyes.jpg

.

bigfella

11-12-2005, 10:42 PM

freaky..... :o

http://members.dodo.com.au/~ozther/trippyeyes.jpg

.

That's what you get from watching too much TV or playing too many computer games :cry: :roll: :o

wiggles

11-12-2005, 10:55 PM

It's supposed to be what you see after drinking to much.

ninevalleys

12-12-2005, 12:02 AM

hey,

that sober santa game is quite difficult and addictive, ive only got aroun 738 so far (damn train)
gaems like that should be illegal, because they are so addictive!! :D :o
cheerz NV

Pat Mole

12-12-2005, 01:58 AM

It's supposed to be what you see after drinking to much.

try looking at it when you actually have had too much to drink.

wiggles

12-12-2005, 10:09 PM

Do We really need this here Andrewc?

Gone

12-12-2005, 10:13 PM

Do We really need this here Andrewc?

Sorry, I though this was the 'light relief' thread...

Eberbachl

12-12-2005, 10:22 PM

Do We really need this here Andrewc?

Post deleted.

andrewc: This is the Light Relief thread. That wasn't Light Relief.

Gone

12-12-2005, 10:23 PM

andrewc: This is the Light Relief thread. That wasn't Light Relief.

Ok. I'll await the next gutbusting installment from one of the regulars in this thread.

dbjac

13-12-2005, 01:38 PM

i thought this was worthy of this thread...

http://img370.imageshack.us/img370/4237/gtanulla4xy.jpg

Milkovitsch

13-12-2005, 01:40 PM

What do you do if you can't find an helmet? Easy.

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y93/GBM2004/bucket.jpg

Marcus

13-12-2005, 01:44 PM

What do you do if you can't find an helmet? Easy.

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y93/GBM2004/bucket.jpgWell he has to protect that big brain of his.

primal

13-12-2005, 01:45 PM

What do you do if you can't find an helmet? Easy.

Well he has to protect that big brain of his.

ROFL

BrokenArr0w

13-12-2005, 01:53 PM

i thought this was worthy of this thread...

http://img370.imageshack.us/img370/4237/gtanulla4xy.jpg
LMAO! nice find

primal

13-12-2005, 02:45 PM

For your enjoyment.

44 Fun Things to Do in a Supermarket

by Jason Roth

Open up a loaf of bread and make yourself a sandwich. Take it to the checkout lane and see how much they charge you for it. Tell them you added extra mayo.

Go to the customer service desk and ask where the whisk brooms, Vaseline, and duct tape are located.

Spike the fruit salad.

Squeeze the Doritos.

Tell the manager you lost your son, somewhere near the dairy aisle.

Try to purchase one grape. Repeat until the laughter subsides and they feel obligated to start charging you.

Order a dozen live lobsters and set them free throughout the store. (After removing the rubber bands from their claws, of course.)

Fill a shopping cart with watermelons. Get more carts and fill them with other heavy products. See if you can barricade another customer inside one of the aisles. (Try to capture an old lady, they're slower than the rest of us.)

Order ten pounds of corned beef at the deli counter, sliced extra thin. Walk away during the slicing of the final pound, whistling.

Wear a white lab coat, mask, and goggles. Carefully bag some vegetables, holding them at arm's distance, shaking your head in disgust, and occasionally taking notes on a clipboard. Works best while mothers and children are nearby.

Open up some cheese and crackers and offer samples.

Conduct your own Pepsi Challenge.

Bring in your own "paid" stickers and put one on each of the items in your cart. If a cashier tells you that the store doesn't use those stickers, ask her what she's getting at and would she like you to call the police.

Fill a plastic bag with five types of apples, another bag with six types of citrus fruit, another with seven types of leafed vegetables, and so on until you have mixed bags full of every type of fruit and vegetable in the store. Tie each bag in a double knot. Then take them to the register, and let the cashier tell you the grand total before you realize you forgot your wallet.

Empty the bottles of V8 and fill them with green Hawaiian punch. Threaten to call your uncle at the local newspaper about it.

Bring a full shopping cart to the express aisle and refuse to budge.

Bring a single product to the busiest full-service aisle and refuse to budge.

Pay in pennies.

Pay in postage stamps. (Explain that you accidentally grabbed them instead of your food stamps because you were in a hurry to get out of the house before your alcoholic husband got home.)

Leave your cart in the middle of checking out to get something you forgot. Once you start hearing angry shouts from the customers who were standing behind you, wait another few minutes before returning. Laugh and tell them you forgot what you were looking for.

Bring in a moldy loaf of bread and ask for your money back. (Works best if you put it a new bag with a valid "sell by" date.)

Apply for a job barefoot.

Walk in with a hand truck and several empty boxes. Fill the boxes with jars of tomato sauce, take them to the back of the store, and tell someone you're making a delivery. Get them to sign something.

Reorganize the cereal aisle.

Put your own surprises in the cereal boxes.

Put small pornographic pictures inside the greeting card envelopes. (Everybody likes confetti.)

See if you can move every item in the dairy aisle, a few items at a time, to various locations throughout the store.

Post your own "Buy one, get one free!" signs.

See how many hiding places you can find for a dozen fresh fish heads.

Ask a cashier where the store safe is located.

Rub olive oil all over your groceries. As soon as the cashier expresses a look of disgust, start complaining about how filthy the store is.

Take photos of men putting feminine hygiene products into their carts. Tell them they'll be able to download their photos at spinelesshenpeckedfairies.org.

Hide your arms under your coat and ask a manager if the store is "armless accessible".

Request a personal shopping assistant.

Bring in a bag full of exotic fruits not sold at the store, and try to buy them.

Hide a walkie-talkie behind packages of adult undergarments. From the other end of the aisle, see if this is a product that can sell itself.

Leave small, expensive, easy-to-scan products in other people's carts.

Empty a bottle of aspirin all over the floor and lie down next to it.

Throw things over the aisles. Toilet paper works just as well as it does outside, but don't shy away from hard or sticky objects either.

Ask the cashier if the store could supply you with another bagger who isn't mentally retarded.

Tell the cashier that it's great the store is providing jobs to "you people".

Dump out a container of liquid laundry detergent and report the spill to customer service. Repeat immediately in another aisle.

Ask the woman behind the deli counter to shake her ass while she's cutting your salami.
And finally:

Put pickles in the coffee grinder.

bigfella

13-12-2005, 02:57 PM

Do We really need this here Andrewc?

Post deleted.

andrewc: This is the Light Relief thread. That wasn't Light Relief.

I agree.

Gone

13-12-2005, 02:59 PM

Do We really need this here Andrewc?

Post deleted.

andrewc: This is the Light Relief thread. That wasn't Light Relief.

I agree.

Gee I'm glad we cleared that up.

Milkovitsch

13-12-2005, 03:06 PM

For your enjoyment.

44 Fun Things to Do in a Supermarket

You need to get a life. :wink:

primal

13-12-2005, 03:12 PM

For your enjoyment.

44 Fun Things to Do in a Supermarket

You need to get a life. :wink:

why?

Rednock

13-12-2005, 11:15 PM

Letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad.

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm

Mick

14-12-2005, 02:51 AM

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Dad"

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.

Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, John PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house.I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things
in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

dbjac

14-12-2005, 11:02 AM

^ AHAHAHA thats great

bigfella

15-12-2005, 09:18 PM

T'be sure
T'be sure
T'be sure

That's why Irishmen wear 3 condoms

T'be sure
T'be sure
T'be sure :-?

beetle

16-12-2005, 11:03 AM

At the company Christmas party, there will be a limit of one alcoholic beverage per person.

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/1DrinkOnly.JPG

:D

beetle

16-12-2005, 11:04 AM

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/Christmas.jpg

Robert43

17-12-2005, 12:38 PM

http://www.mistletoeandmeat.com/

Robert43

17-12-2005, 12:41 PM

http://www.jingleshells.com/flash_content/flash_content.html

Liam

17-12-2005, 05:17 PM

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/Christmas.jpg

LOL!

matt_101

17-12-2005, 09:21 PM

A very cool game I was sent this afternoon ;)

http://www.banditos.info/speles/sobersanta2.swf

Get with the spirit of Christmas :D

I scored 837 so far.

:bday:

hahaha 1263 beat tht

Kuru

18-12-2005, 07:20 PM

Match game 1
http://www.larrythecableguy.com/games/toematchfiles/toes1.htm

Match game 2
http://www.larrythecableguy.com/games/toematchfiles/toes2.htm

primal

19-12-2005, 09:26 AM

NO kidddies going to this one.... unless you need to be educated.

Orgasm simulator.
find out how the other sex feels it.
http://viral.lycos.co.uk/attachments/3939/Orgasmic_Simulator2.htm

dbjac

19-12-2005, 09:12 PM

this guy has too much time on his hands, at least im not paying his electricity bill...
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=14019

and part 2;
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=14365

apparently it caused traffic problems, too many people came to see it!
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=14342

andrewf87

19-12-2005, 09:32 PM

That is pretty funky

unclepete

19-12-2005, 09:48 PM

Anyone for a little Tom & Jerry. (http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/games/action/tj/whatsthecatch/game.swf)

1900 on the first run as Jerry

robbo

19-12-2005, 10:08 PM

4000 first run as Jerry. :D

robbo

19-12-2005, 10:09 PM

5400

robbo

19-12-2005, 10:15 PM

6900 and made it to Jerry's hole in the wall.

Rednock

19-12-2005, 10:37 PM

7000 with no misses :)

robbo

19-12-2005, 11:34 PM

Ok, I'm having another go. :D

robbo

19-12-2005, 11:39 PM

Did it 7000, no misses. :D

primal

20-12-2005, 07:47 AM

Gunzer

20-12-2005, 12:05 PM

Southpark character creator (http://spstudio.julia.hosting-friends.de/spstudio.html)

alexvpaq

20-12-2005, 01:22 PM

pretty cool this south park character creator,BTW did anyone saw the woodland critter episode???

bobzila

20-12-2005, 07:53 PM

blood orgie :o
i love that episode :D

wiggles

20-12-2005, 10:50 PM

Politically Correct Greetings

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or the secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/ secular persuasions and/ or traditions of others not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

In addition, please also accept our best wishes for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but not without the due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make the country great(not to imply that this country is necessarily greater than any other country or area of choice), and without regard to race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual orientation of the wishers.

This is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.

alexvpaq

21-12-2005, 03:26 AM

yeah really this show is crazy, blood orgie antichrist etc , a lot of good twist, the bobcat lol! totally awesome, my new favorite one! with the one when they shoot a ninja star in butter's eye!

StevenB

21-12-2005, 08:50 AM

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomazewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burn Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.

"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so i peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract the gerbil." At a hushed press confrence, a hospital spokesman described what happened next.

"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severly burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

EDITOR'S NOTES: Top Ten Scariest Things About This Story

10. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..."

9. "So I peered in to the tube..." (I'm sorry, but thats like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.)

8. That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem) being shot out of a guy's ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky & Bullwinkle.

7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's anus. I'm guessing, but I seriously doubt the gerbil was springtime fresh after his journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love."

6. People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.

5. People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromanical, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with charcoal lighter fluid before admitting the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well Doc, it's like this. You see, we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took a cardboard tube ..."

4. "First and Second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemmoroids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy dump after something like this? And the smell of a burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God's green earth.

3. People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for: "Idiotic white men who insert rodents up their asses."

2. What kind of hospital would hold a press confrence on this?

1. This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons? I am getting a whole new image of the Osmond family.

primal

21-12-2005, 09:15 AM

http://www.fugly.com/media/AUDIO/Funny/armageddon.mp3 the original audio of the above.

dbjac

21-12-2005, 04:50 PM

have a look at this crazy stuff... damn longbowers... :roll:

http://www.archeryweb.com/archery/conejo.htm

Action Man

22-12-2005, 08:05 AM

have a look at this crazy stuff... damn longbowers... :roll:

http://www.archeryweb.com/archery/conejo.htm

That looks like a lot of fun.

wiggles

22-12-2005, 11:39 PM

Help Santa

http://www.the-incident.com/

andrewf87

23-12-2005, 12:13 PM

Here is a free game you can download, its a drag racing game and you can upgrade parts, tune your car and many other things, have a look.

www.nitto1320.com

Milkovitsch

23-12-2005, 12:50 PM

have a look at this crazy stuff... damn longbowers... :roll:

http://www.archeryweb.com/archery/conejo.htm

Look at that pig run ! I want to have a go too.

Pat Mole

23-12-2005, 03:25 PM

Video: The Chronicles of Narnia (http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1645487/)

Eberbachl

24-12-2005, 06:12 PM

Go see if you're cool...

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

;)

Flame

24-12-2005, 06:58 PM

Go see if you're cool...

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

;)

I'm cool :wink:

New Tricks

25-12-2005, 12:32 AM

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5430343841227974645&q=the+internet+is+for+porn

BrokenArr0w

25-12-2005, 01:36 PM

ROFL - something for the christmas spirt
http://christmaschebacca.ytmnd.com/

BrokenArr0w

25-12-2005, 01:37 PM

http://ualuealuealeuale.ytmnd.com/

Special not slow

25-12-2005, 04:03 PM

http://www.stickdeath.com/frameset.htm

New Tricks

29-12-2005, 07:22 PM

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call

apexrob

29-12-2005, 09:03 PM

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5536797758392186108&q=rap

CAUTION ...... if your easily offended , don't click on link . 8)

SOLAR

30-12-2005, 12:43 AM

That is some funny ****
top stuff

Chris

wiggles

02-01-2006, 08:12 PM

Why Women Are Crabby

We started to

Eberbachl

02-01-2006, 10:14 PM

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5536797758392186108&q=rap

CAUTION ...... if your easily offended , don't click on link . 8)

Nice ;)

I prefer this version:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1402537705666917039&q=star+wars+gangsta+rap

:D

Eberbachl

02-01-2006, 10:18 PM

[quote=wiggles]Why Women Are Crabby

We started to

Gone

02-01-2006, 10:24 PM

[quote=Eberbachl][quote=wiggles]Why Women Are Crabby

We started to

Marcus

02-01-2006, 10:27 PM

[quote=wiggles]Why Women Are Crabby

We started to

Gone

02-01-2006, 10:29 PM

"If some bitch said that to me, I'd be like 'You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and bake me some pie'".
"What was that?"
"Nothng".

ninevalleys

02-01-2006, 10:34 PM

i value the kitchen too much to let any woman in my immediate family to be allowed in it, had some bad experinces with choclate being fused to the plate

Eberbachl

02-01-2006, 10:36 PM

:lol:

Women aren't allowed in my kitchen.

:D

Gone

02-01-2006, 10:37 PM

I have a kitchen. I don't use it. I still make my (black) house keeper clean it once a week though.

Marcus

02-01-2006, 10:42 PM

If we are getting take away I still get my wife to cook dinner, we just throw it out after it's made. Don't want her getting rusty. ;) :) :lol:

Gone

02-01-2006, 10:44 PM

yOu JSUT MADE 130000 POSTS.

Marcus

02-01-2006, 10:52 PM

yOu JSUT MADE 130000 POSTS.And what a brilliant 13,000th post it was too! :lol: Should land me in the doghouse for at least a few days.

Gone

02-01-2006, 10:53 PM

I've already emailed her. You're f*cked (and not in the good way) come morning.

Marcus

02-01-2006, 10:54 PM

Too late you little snitch b*tch, she's read it! :lol:

She's now back in the kitchen doing whatever they do in there.

unclepete

02-01-2006, 11:48 PM

Too late you little snitch b*tch, she's read it! :lol:

She's now back in the kitchen doing whatever they do in there.

Plotting...

Shirt

03-01-2006, 01:59 AM

Trying to work out whether strychnine dissolves in beer, or whether she's stuck with using rat poison... :lol:

bigfella

03-01-2006, 07:25 AM

Trying to work out whether strychnine dissolves in beer, or whether she's stuck with using rat poison... :lol:

She'll use rat poison.... it's slower. :-?

StevenB

03-01-2006, 07:56 AM

i value the kitchen too much to let any woman in my immediate family to be allowed in it, had some bad experinces with choclate being fused to the plate

Mrs StevenB needs constant supervision in the kitchen to prevent further crimes towards humanity.

and trust me on this, when the jar says chicken don't use beef

alexvpaq

03-01-2006, 03:08 PM

Trying to work out whether strychnine dissolves in beer, or whether she's stuck with using rat poison... :lol:

She'll use rat poison.... it's slower. :-?
yeah for sure rat poison in beer should work great!

bigfella

03-01-2006, 03:32 PM

alexvpaq

06-01-2006, 09:29 AM

http://www.pcarchery.com/demo/trial.shtml

here is a well made game , a 3d shot here is the trial version you can try it online! 3 or 4 bow i think a lot of possibility of ting to do so! its technical its archery.... its made for people like me who like to shot thing but are too stupids to go at his club, take his bow and huh pull the rope!

Edit:
LOL with the range finder and the animal heart map... i made 148 and 9 X lol
yeah... 1 missed one... :cry:
after
without anything i did a nice 146 with 6 X
SO training with a range finder help? no range for those... or map
1st diff level: 146 6x
2sd diff level: 120 1X
3rd diff level: i f**ked up everything... 103 0 X

ozther

09-01-2006, 11:19 AM

:D

http://members.dodo.com.au/~ozther/otherpayments.jpg

:lol:

.

dbjac

09-01-2006, 11:29 AM

I love photoshop...

Mark

13-01-2006, 06:37 PM

Try feeding your favourite site into pornolize.com for a laugh

check out

URL removed. Users can try it out if you wish, however user beware

dbjac

13-01-2006, 06:47 PM

not sure how appropriate that is...

Clare Barnes

14-01-2006, 10:02 PM

Okay, some readers may appreciate this but the rest can skip it and assume that my sense of humour is even more loony than they first thought! Doesn't worry me!! :D

HOW I MET MY WIFE

It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.

I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I

Flame

14-01-2006, 10:17 PM

bloody weirdo :D

unclepete

14-01-2006, 10:59 PM

Classic - one of my all-time favourites.

Shermo

15-01-2006, 07:59 AM

Try feeding your favourite site into pornolize.com for a laugh

check out

URL removed. Users can try it out if you wish, however user beware

This was a classic on the 3DAAA rule changes thread :D

abaggs

16-01-2006, 02:08 PM

:rofl: Classic Clare!

katzgrin

16-01-2006, 03:56 PM

:P Clare's sequitur

katzgrin

16-01-2006, 03:59 PM

Seen at a feminist rally. A very attractive female, with a banner reading "How dare you assume I'm heterosexual!"

Lucky Mick

17-01-2006, 08:12 AM

Subject: Just Married

Makes my eyes tear-up, such a happy ending!

A couple had only been married for two weeks when the husband, although
very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his
old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the
refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries, Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think
of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... you know... they have
frozen glasses. "

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by
saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug
out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar
they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious. I won't be
long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out
5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres, chicken wings, pigs in blankets,
mushroom caps, and pork strips.

"But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know, there's swearing, dirty
words and all that."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN ****! SIT YOUR ASS
DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR
HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT
**** IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?"

and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?
:o

hoyt for life 2

17-01-2006, 05:43 PM

the bids arnt as high as the paper clip or the time machene or the dolphin but still funny.
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Electronics-photography/Portable-audio/iPod/iPods/auction-44909284.htm

wiggles

18-01-2006, 04:30 AM

http://www.widro.com/throwpaper.html

Cartz

18-01-2006, 10:42 AM

Try feeding your favourite site into pornolize.com for a laugh

check out

URL removed. Users can try it out if you wish, however user beware

I know its clearly not appropriate but feeding the AIS Archery website through that was hilarious...

primal

18-01-2006, 11:26 AM

Marcus

18-01-2006, 11:42 AM

primal

18-01-2006, 12:04 PM

http://www.widro.com/throwpaper.html

so far my best is 10 in a row. man this is addictive. i might have to sell my bow and invest in some better quality paper to launch at the bin. Maybe some paper with a smaller diameter and a heavier weight then standard office paper....hmmmmm. :-?32 in a row. Booyah!

Now thats sad. :( he spends the first half of his day playing a game off the web and then gets excited about it. :P

I bet you have those x10 balls of paper too.

Marcus

18-01-2006, 12:10 PM

Now thats sad. :( he spends the first half of his day playing a game off the web and then gets excited about it. :P

I bet you have those x10 balls of paper too.
Half! Like 5 minutes. Need to teach you about wind drift young one.

Will spend the next half of the day getting excited about playing a game where I stick pointy sticks into paper.

primal

18-01-2006, 12:18 PM

Half! Like 5 minutes. Need to teach you about wind drift young one.

Will spend the next half of the day getting excited about playing a game where I stick pointy sticks into paper.

ahh is that that stuff outside?!?!? :wink:

beetle

18-01-2006, 04:48 PM

Reasons why archery is the better sport...

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/1.jpg

beetle

18-01-2006, 04:49 PM

Reasons why archery is the better sport...

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/2.jpg

beetle

18-01-2006, 04:49 PM

Reasons why archery is the better sport...

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/3.jpg

beetle

18-01-2006, 04:49 PM

Reasons why archery is the better sport...

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/4.jpg

beetle

18-01-2006, 04:50 PM

Reasons why archery is the better sport...

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/5.jpg

beetle

18-01-2006, 04:50 PM

Reasons why archery is the better sport...

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/6.jpg

beetle

18-01-2006, 04:50 PM

Reasons why archery is the better sport...

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/7.jpg

Flame

18-01-2006, 05:14 PM

Ouch! :D

Marcus

18-01-2006, 05:43 PM

andrewf87

18-01-2006, 06:30 PM

36 ... **** the best i got was 10 :(

Marcus

18-01-2006, 06:35 PM

36 ... sh*t the best i got was 10 :(Make sure you have the arrow moving with the wind, easier to predict the landing position.

Patchy

18-01-2006, 06:47 PM

17 alright :D

Darton1

19-01-2006, 11:26 AM

Reasons why archery is the better sport...

http://members.iinet.net.au/~mxb/7.jpg

I new there was a way i could win thanks for the heads up !!!

No pun intended

beetle

19-01-2006, 12:02 PM

I new there was a way i could win thanks for the heads up !!!

No pun intended

I'll remember to wear my box. 8)

primal

19-01-2006, 12:31 PM

17 alright :D

i got 20 this morning first go!!! yeah. Has anyone else found this game.... waaaaaayyyy to addict.......stops typing clicks mouse to launch paper.....

primal

19-01-2006, 02:37 PM

http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB113754697326149204-NKFrIswaO84O8r41rKK3Y9RKYVg_20070117.html?mod=blog s

outsource your homework.

SOLAR

20-01-2006, 03:45 AM

www.somethingwrong.co.uk/crazy_frog_baseball/ www.studentfreestuff.com/shoot_crazy_frog.html

Chris

Cartz

20-01-2006, 09:06 AM

best i got at shooting the crazy frog was 92...I ROCK!

StevenB

20-01-2006, 09:26 AM

95, once then the closet I could come to that was in the 70s

unclepete

21-01-2006, 07:41 AM

Can't remember if this has been posted before, but it's worth a reprint for Australia Day...

"WE, the People of the broad, brown land of Oz, wish to be recognised as a free nation of blokes, Sheila's and the occasional trannie. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and, although we live in the best little country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

We are One Nation but we're divided into many States. First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte and grand final day. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that it's "livable".

Next, there's NSW. It is the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing gay-boys. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces.

South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant in this document.

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations, kangaroos, jackaroos, emus, Ulurus and dusty kids with big smiles. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.

And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half-arsed agnostics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.

We, the Lullaby League of Oz, are united, primarily by the Pacific Highway, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than die by murder.

We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a ragtag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party, albeit a redneck gun-toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Desirable, sure. But fair? Not when you consider Brian Harradine can get 24,000 votes and run the bloody country. Not that we're whingeing.

We've chucked out the concept of "fair go" in the downsized '90s. Instead, we want to make "no worries" our national phrase. We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning, in the same breath.

We the Brain, the Heart and the Nerve of Oz, want the world to know we have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies and the worst-dressed Olympians in the known universe. We don't know much about art but we know we hate the people who make it.

We shoot, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. And even though we might seem a racist, closed-minded, sports-obsessed little People, at least we're better than the Kiwis.

Now bugger off, we're sleeping."

StevenB

21-01-2006, 10:24 AM

don't be un-Australian on australia day, eat lamb

2006 Lamb ad (http://www.themainmeal.com.au/samsspeech.mpg) (5.1MB)

2005 Lamb ad (http://www.mla.com.au/NR/rdonlyres/46EBC010-D6DE-4AFD-9AF3-3AE77BB74345/0/Sam_Kekovich_90_sec.wmv)

PaulM

21-01-2006, 06:16 PM

radio comedy:

what are dildo farmers afraid of?

squatters! :roll:

pmoney29

21-01-2006, 06:31 PM

I'd just like to know, why the hell are you talking bout dildo farmers...wait, wat is a dildo farmer. You don't need to explain dildo, but whats with the farmer bit? :-?

Cartz

21-01-2006, 06:36 PM

haven't you heard of them pmoney29? they plant these nice pink seeds and taadaa! dildos pop outta the ground!

pmoney29

21-01-2006, 06:58 PM

hahahaha. Riiiiite. Thats a new one.

Pat Mole

26-01-2006, 03:16 PM

http://content.collegehumor.com/items/2005/02/collegehumor.117538.451xAUTO.jpg

SOLAR

26-01-2006, 06:32 PM

if you love cats then play this

http://www.richsalter.btinternet.co.uk/index.html

Chris

PaulM

27-01-2006, 08:03 AM

wonderful game :o

New Tricks

27-01-2006, 03:06 PM

WHAT THE F N F

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5464505634137914176

:lol: :lol: :roll: :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol: :roll:

ahahahahahaha

ahahhahahahahahhahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahah

hah
ah
ah
ahahhahahahahahahhahahahah.lol

primal

27-01-2006, 03:19 PM

WHAT THE F N F

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5464505634137914176

WTF :o :o

jpy84

27-01-2006, 05:47 PM

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v193/rastus/kittenspitacid.gif

The One

27-01-2006, 05:54 PM

WHAT THE F N F

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5464505634137914176

WTF :o :o

I second that motion. Craziest things I have ever seen. Would not want to be stuck in a room with that one! :o :o :o

dbjac

27-01-2006, 07:18 PM

Mick

28-01-2006, 11:16 PM

HUNTING IN OKLAHOMA

A Lawyer went duck hunting in rural Oklahoma he shot and dropped a
bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on
his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming
over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial attorneys in the
country and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
settle disputes in these parts of Oklahoma. We settle small disagreements
like this with the "Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What's that?"

The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land,
first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back
and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided
that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local
custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to
the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into
the lawyer's balls and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the
gut sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The Lawyer
was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his arse sent him
face-first into a fresh heap of cow ****.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and his pride and managed to
get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said
"Okay, you old bastard. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."