Old Light Relief Thread

[John K]

WHAT THE F N F

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5464505634137914176


WTF :o :o

I second that motion. Craziest things I have ever seen. Would not want to be stuck in a room with that one! :o :o :o

Those poor f*cking kids :o

[Kieran]

THis thread has reached 2500 posts

:o :shocked!: :crazyeyes: :smilecolros:

[Flehrad]

http://img224.imageshack.us/img224/4451/img9vg.jpg

[primal]

THis thread has reached 2500 posts

:o :shocked!: :crazyeyes: :smilecolros:

:bday: :bday: :bday: :bday: :bday: :bday: YEAH :bday: :bday: :bday: :bday: :bday:

[CMB50]

A skinny white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and see's this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy see's the the little guy staring at him, looks down and says...."7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch member, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown"

The white man faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels and brings him to, shaking him gently.

The big guy says..."Hey what's wrong with you?"

In a shakey, weak voice the little guy says, "What exactly did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured that I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.....I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch dick and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown....Sweet Jesus....I thought you said, "Turn Around!"

[Eberbachl]

The small guy says, "Turner Brown....Sweet Jesus....I thought you said, "Turn Around!"

:rofl:

!!!

OUCH :o

[Eberbachl]

What a fabulous road sign!

:rofl:

http://www.birdyard.com.au/images/Sillyness/FallinCow.jpg

[New Tricks]

A triathlete was walking around in town one day when his friend, another triathlete, rode up on an incredible shiny new bike.
The first chap was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a fantastic bike?"
The friend replied, "Well, yesterday I was out running in the forest just minding my own business when this beautiful woman rode up to
me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!"
The first chap nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway

[wiggles]

Got an email here of what a Donkey can do. Contains several photos, not dirty, but can't post them. Someone want to post them for me?

[Milkovitsch]

Not sure if this is new or not........

Mathematical viewpoint,
it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L -S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S -I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+ 9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bull**** and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

[Bia]

That

[Flehrad]

http://www.studiohunty.com/billiards/

I got to lvl 7

[robbo]

Level 9. :D

[Shermo]

Just watching the Super Bowl when there was a loose ball with players scrambling everywhere. The commentator says " This looks like the scrums that our European fans are familiar with in their soccer and rugby" :usa :iamwithstupid: :rofl:

[Flehrad]

http://youtube.com/w/Memoirs-of-a-Geisha--Mad-TV?v=_AQvqsZFgDY&search=memoirs%20of%20a%20geisha

[SOLAR]

Level 11

[dabrickwall]

A husband and wife are in bed on a Sunday morning, the wife turns to the husband and say's "It's sunday today, so sunday being your day, what would like me to do for you today?" The husband thinks for a few minutes, clears his throat and says "Well, you've got three options,

(1) You can wash the Boat,

(2) You can give me a blow job,

(3) Or you can take it up the ass!

The wife , a bit stunned, thinks for a minute. "well" she thinks to her self, "I'm not going to wash the frigging boat, and I'm definately not taking it up the ass, so I'll give him a blow Job." So the wife goes down to do her business, after about 30 seconds, licking her lips and tasting her mouth, the wife says "You know it tastes like **** down here!" The husband replys yawing, "yeah, the dog didn't want to wash the boat either."

[andrewf87]

This site has some pretty funny stuff: http://www.roffles.com/

[Owen]

The Sad Passing of Common Sense.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his
birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing
when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life
isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are
in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned
but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and
a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his
condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing The job
they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent
to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but
could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to
have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better
treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a
burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her
lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to
Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not join the majority and do
nothing.

[John K]

"English: Its Proper Form"

http://www.tip.it/runescape/?times=27

[wiggles]

Totally agree. I am a one finger typer and even text messages are spelt correctly. When I see the "so called" shorthand, takes to long to decipher and gets bypassed. Considering most of the "shorthand" only skips a letter or two, take the extra split secound and do it right.

[The One]

akronims r da wai 2 go

[2Dogs]

From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true
story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local
neighbourhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man
leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into.He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car,switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more, vehicles left.

At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now
started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly
pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test. To his
amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany
me to the Police station this Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man,
"tonight I'm the designated decoy".

True story...

[unclepete]

True story indeed... :roll:
http://www.snopes.com/autos/law/decoy.asp

[wiggles]

From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true
story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local
neighbourhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man
leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into.He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car,switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more, vehicles left.

At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now
started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly
pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test. To his
amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany
me to the Police station this Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man,
"tonight I'm the designated decoy".

True story...

Happened south of Innisfail. 20 odd years ago. Friend of my Dad did it. Coppas use to sit outside the one pub till the locals started doing this and it wasn't just one pretending. Coppas gave it away after a few weeks,never got one DD.

[StevenB]

http://www.filecabi.net/video/evildadpoorkid.html

[wiggles]

No website for me

[unclepete]

http://www.filecabi.net/video/evildadpoorkid.html

That's just evil

[Pat Mole]

http://www.filecabi.net/video/evildadpoorkid.html
that is awesome.

[dbjac]

http://www.filecabi.net/video/evildadpoorkid.html

stuff like that is the reason i should never have kids...

[Gunzer]

http://www.filecabi.net/video/evildadpoorkid.html
I could imagine a guy holding a drawn bow fully concentrated on the X and all of a sudden...

[Marcus]

:rofl: ah love it!!

[andrewf87]

:rofl:

[coach]

Whole family is pissing themselves :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Must admit when I showed my son this maze game that he also cried ,, but I got into trouble off wife for laughing :lol:

[primal]

what gives you the idea to film that????? :-?

[coach]

what gives you the idea to film that????? :-?
I'd say knowing that the kid is gunna scream like a girl and it's gunna be funny to watch over and over :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Action Man]

And you can run it on an endless loop at his 21st. :lol:
You're not allowed to hit em any more so you gotta mess with their minds :wink:

[dbjac]

http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html
best i've done so far is 21.547 seconds...

[Patchy]

Oh my god i craped myself laughing, reminds me of the first time i played that one

[Patchy]

Oh my god i craped myself laughing, reminds me of the first time i played that one

[Eberbachl]

http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html
best i've done so far is 21.547 seconds...

20.042sec (after my first two goes which lasted under a second!) :rofl:

[dbjac]

http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html
best i've done so far is 21.547 seconds...

20.042sec (after my first two goes which lasted under a second!) :rofl:

Yeh, once you hit 20s it gets to a point where you cant blink, or you'll get hit... :-?

[robbo]

O.391 secs :o :D

[Pat Mole]

22 so far.

[Pat Mole]

23.875
24.672

[Pat Mole]

25.047

[nzo]

31.505 :D 6th go

[Barracuda]

One for Clare!

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems...
"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

"Incredible," he says, "there is a

[beetle]

"I knew I wasn't feeling two grand"[/b]\

:rofl:

[hoyt for life 2]

because we are all black when the lights are out....

Did you know that New Zealand is pretty much the only place in the world that you can not actually be a New Zealander?



Whenever you fill out a form or survey in New Zealand you can tick the

box to say you are Maori, Tongan, Samoan, Australian, European (or NZ

born of European Decent), Asian, etc but there is no box provided to say

"Yes, I am a New Zealander and I am proud to be one"

In Australia, you can be an Australian... In fact in Australia you can

be a New Zealander. Why is it that we can't be New Zealanders in our own

country?



Most people are proud of their ethnicity, heritage and family origins

and so will tick whichever box they feel applies to them, and they have

every right to do so whether they are Maori, Pacific Islander, European

etc Many of us however consider that we, and our families, have been in

New Zealand for long enough now that we should be able to claim that as

who we are... regardless of where our ancestors may have come from many

centuries ago or what the colour of our skin or shape of our face might

indicate.



If you support us in our desire to be recognised as New Zealanders in

our own country then there is only one way that this can be achieved...



On the 2006 NZ Census form, when you are asked for your ethnicity,

choose the option "Other" and state your ethnicity as "New Zealander"



If we can get enough people to do this then maybe, just maybe, we can

get the powers that be to sit up and recognise that we are proud of who

we are and that we want to be recognised as such, not divided into

sub-categories and all treated as foreigners in our own country.



Please forward this on to as many people as you can; friends, people you

work with, kiwi's you know who are overseas, anyone... No, you won't

receive amazing good luck by doing so but you will have the knowledge

that you have done your bit to help us, as New Zealanders, fight for our

right to be recognised as who we are in this proud and strong country of

ours.



And remember... at census time... "Other - New Zealander!" (and proud

of it)
sorta like the whole jedi religion thing that was going on last cencis, danm hippys

[dbjac]

On the 2006 NZ Census form, when you are asked for your ethnicity,

choose the option "Other" and state your ethnicity as "New Zealander"

Something tells me i'm not going to get that form.

sorta like the whole jedi religion thing that was going on last cencis, danm hippys

i dont beleive it, it is spelt correctly in the text you supplied, and you still managed to get it wrong... :-? :wink:

[unclepete]

On the 2006 NZ Census form, when you are asked for your ethnicity,

choose the option "Other" and state your ethnicity as "New Zealander"

Something tells me i'm not going to get that form.

sorta like the whole jedi religion thing that was going on last cencis, danm hippys

i dont beleive it, it is spelt correctly in the text you supplied, and you still managed to get it wrong... :-? :wink:
He needs to use the pselling checker

[Robert43]

The worlds shortest fairy tale

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me". The girl said "no" & the guy lived happily ever after, went fishing , hunting , played lots of golf & drank beer , & farted whenever he wanted

[Mick]

An oldie, but just my kind of logic

See below for those FAQs on Health and Diets:

: Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
>
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
>
> A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>
>
> A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
>
>
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>
>
> A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
>
>
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>
>
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
>
>
> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
>
>
> A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
>
>
> And remember:
>
> "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

[Clare Barnes]

An oldie, but just my kind of logic

...

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

Logical to me too, but can we make it Unwooded Chardonnay please? :D

[Mick]

A married couple is driving down the motorway doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a much better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids, too."

The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the check book, and all the credit cards, too."

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got
the airbag!"

[unclepete]

My wife left me...

I don't understand.

After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping the receipt included $45 in makeup. I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer, and you haven't given up anything!"

She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."

I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"

I don't think she'll be back.

[hoyt for life 2]

ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST


Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...



(SEE BELOW)




HOW MANY ?















. 3?


WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.




The reasoning behind is further down.

















The brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!





Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare

[beetle]

Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.


Call me genius then.

:D

[Eberbachl]

ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST


Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

(SEE BELOW)

HOW MANY ?

. 3?


WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!

Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare

Ummm - yeah, there are 6.

It's really not that hard, is it?

I must be a genius :roll:

:lol:

[StevenB]

www.tomcruiseisnuts.com


its true, he is nuts

[wiggles]

And a woefull Actor.

[Milkovitsch]

Labrador Tale

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in
the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever
sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my
gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country,
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would
be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years
running."

"But all the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I
got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the
dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that."

[Liam]

I'm a genius. wh00t.

[hoyt for life 2]

I'm a genius. wh00t.
am i the only one that got 3?

[StevenB]

yout the only one that will admit it

[John K]

http://www.nata2.info/humor/flash/bowman.swf

[Jason]

Nah i got 3, we are normal, the others are abnormal freaks... :D

[StevenB]

http://www.42below.com/flashad/hero/

[robbo]

:silly:

[alexvpaq]

I'm a genius. wh00t.
am i the only one that got 3?
yep! you're not a genius but you aren't a liar! lol
BUT me i am a genius but i am not a liar !
but yes i read it twice because it sounded to me like "too much easy" for a test

[CMB50]

So true....


"The Sad Passing of Common Sense"

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long
ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as
knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm,
life
isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not
children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for
kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash
after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only
worsened his
condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer Paracetamol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a
student;
but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and
wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better
treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a
burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.
She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge
settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is
to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.

[katzgrin]

I have just received a fax from a Mr Kanyo Gulu of the Department of Mineral and Energy Affairs, South Africa, offering me a share in Twenty Five million, six hundred thousand united state bills.

What I am trying to work out is how to pronounce his surname. The best I can do is "gull you" :)

[wiggles]

Geez. What a deal. :o

Can I get in on that? :lol:

[Eberbachl]

I have just received a fax from a Mr Kanyo Gulu of the Department of Mineral and Energy Affairs, South Africa, offering me a share in Twenty Five million, six hundred thousand united state bills.

What I am trying to work out is how to pronounce his surname. The best I can do is "gull you" :)

You'd better give him a buzz and have a chat about it ;)

Enquiries:
Mr. Kanyo Gqulu
Chief Director Communication/Ministerial Spokesperson
Tel: (012) 317 9086
Fax: (012) 322 4954
Cell: 083 293 3377
E-mail: kefilwe@mepta.pwv.gov.za

[katzgrin]

You'd better give him a buzz and have a chat about it ;)

Enquiries:
Mr. Kanyo Gqulu
Chief Director Communication/Ministerial Spokesperson
Tel: (012) 317 9086
Fax: (012) 322 4954
Cell: 083 293 3377
E-mail: kefilwe@mepta.pwv.gov.za

Those aren't the contact details I have. Someone must have hijacked his idea. If he ever leaves South Africa he could always get a job handling contracts for toll roads in NSW. :roll:

[katzgrin]

Have just come across a site that offers ice cream by mail. What a brilliant idea! Now, who could I get to deliver it here? :roll: Australia Post or .......?

[Milkovitsch]

Katzgrin, perhaps you should read your mail 'cum grano salis' :wink:

[katzgrin]

Katzgrin, perhaps you should read your mail 'cum grano salis' :wink:

I did. The heading "Money scam" was lightly salted. As I am on a low salt diet I cannot add any more. :D

[2Dogs]

A rugged cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, Wyoming, goes into the doctor's
office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says, "I am
not going to beat around the bush, You have AIDS." The cowboy tugs at
his Stetson and sets his jaw and says, "Doc, what can I do?"

The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy
sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce,
10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of Grape nuts,
cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." The cowboy squares
his rugged shoulders and asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"

"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your
asss is for."

He then goes to another doctor for a second opinion, that doctor said
yep! you got Aids alright, now I wanna know the names of the last 50
blokes that rooted ya!, Get fu**ed! the cowboy said what do you think I
got eyes in the back of me head.

[2Dogs]

:rofl:

I want a Beer

http://users.on.net/~pmalynn/images/Archery/fcukInn.jpg

[katzgrin]

:rofl:

I want a Beer

Was that a root beer, sir?

[BrokenArr0w]

:rofl: poker in the rear..... liquor in the front...

[NormB]

gotta love thailand...

[unclepete]

Only in America

http://www.break.com/index/lingeriebowlnip.html

[archer4518]

An old couple were sitting in church one Sunday morning, the wife was getting restless, wriggling in her seat, when all of a sudden she lets one rip.
She leans across to her husband and whispers in his ear " I have just done a huge quiet fart. What should I do?"
Embarrased, the husband turns to her and replies " Get a new battery for your hearing aid" :D :D :D :D

[Milkovitsch]

Remember Scarface (the movie)?
Here's a condensed version - see the complete film in just a minute.

http://www2.uploadready.com/v/7258355/Scarface.wmv.html

Small file, safe to download.

[primal]

Remember Scarface (the movie)?
Here's a condensed version - see the complete film in just a minute.

http://www2.uploadready.com/v/7258355/Scarface.wmv.html

Small file, safe to download.

HA ha HA hA Ha HA HA ha HAHA ahha ahHA AHha He HE he hE HE HA ahhhh. Thats good.

[Milkovitsch]

One more.

Ever had the giggles at a time and place where it really was not appropriate? They're obviously discussing something very sad - perhaps in Dutch?

http://www4.uploadready.com/v/4534776/Helium_voice.wmv.html

[andrewf87]

:rofl:

[John K]

http://home.eckerd.edu/~amspaugg/comics/images/boromirphone.gif

[dbjac]

Some of these are big files, but cool! :D

Can you pass Super Mario Bro's 3 in 11 minutes?? (i know i cant)
http://www.2flashgames.com/viewlink.php?url=http://www.lookatentertainment.com/v/v-1314.htm&id=1703

This will bring tears to your eyes...
http://www.2flashgames.com/viewlink.php?url=http://www.lookatentertainment.com/v/v-1853.htm&id=2139

and this is just really cool...
http://www.2flashgames.com/viewlink.php?url=http://www.lookatentertainment.com/v/v-14.htm&id=1161

[ninevalleys]

hey,

http://www.mousebreaker.com/games/proj/play.php

try this, my best is arond 640000, my mothers is over 5 mil, are you guys better than my mother?

NV

[Gunzer]

So true....


"The Sad Passing of Common Sense"....

Sounds american, but sadly, I see it quite often happening here as well :(

[hoyt for life 2]

hey,

http://www.mousebreaker.com/games/proj/play.php

try this, my best is arond 640000, my mothers is over 5 mil, are you guys better than my mother?

NV
80000, godlike best stratigy is to get a magnetic addon and sit in a corner and shoot, it goes crazy after like 50000 points

[Milkovitsch]

gg

[primal]

http://www.bulletinboardforum.com/link.php?id=3767&news=Gymnasts%20have%20all%20the%20fun

Somehow it looks really scary.

be warned some very dodgy adds on this page for those who dont want to see young ladies :boobies:

[Milkovitsch]

dd

[Eberbachl]

be warned some very dodgy adds on this page for those who dont want to see young ladies :boobies:
Yea I was thinking about adding a comment about this, but figured that everyone has seen this before - the stuff that popped up when I visited the site was not offensive. If anything too explicit pops up then I apologise, but again I'd be surprised if it's anything new.

Man, how conservative is this world becoming?

For those of us viewing the forum at work this is a significant issue.

People can get into (very) serious trouble if they're seen to be viewing that sort of content on work computers. I know it's not hardcore, but it's enough to be considered very serious in many workplaces.

In future, a warning would be most appropriate.

;)

[New Tricks]

Me, myself, I don't mind seeing boobs but working for the government, they frown upon such things in the work place. Boobs.

[primal]

Boobs.

hmmm...... these are just two of my favorite things..... :D

(i'm refering to two inparticular)

[Gone]

boobies is my second favourite bit of a girl. the first is the brains.

[StevenB]

boobies is my second favourite bit of a girl. the first is the brains.

Why? do they taste better?

[Gone]

boobies is my second favourite bit of a girl. the first is the brains.

Why? do they taste better?

EDIT by Luke.

[2Dogs]

For those of us viewing the forum at work this is a significant issue.

People can get into (very) serious trouble if they're seen to be viewing that sort of content on work computers. I know it's not hardcore, but it's enough to be considered very serious in many workplaces.

In future, a warning would be most appropriate.

Fact of the matter is you shouldn't be reading AF at work anyway :D..... So if you get caught looking at a link to some girlie page....you'll most likely get your nuts busted for looking at AF too! :D

[Phelan]

viewing AF on your lunch break or accasionally during the day is OK.

Viewing some young lass's bits is NOT OK.

Warnings are all good!!

[Gone]

Viewing some young lass's bits is NOT OK.

lol fag

[Eberbachl]

For those of us viewing the forum at work this is a significant issue.

People can get into (very) serious trouble if they're seen to be viewing that sort of content on work computers. I know it's not hardcore, but it's enough to be considered very serious in many workplaces.

In future, a warning would be most appropriate.

Fact of the matter is you shouldn't be reading AF at work anyway :D..... So if you get caught looking at a link to some girlie page....you'll most likely get your nuts busted for looking at AF too! :D

Bull**** Paul, surfing AF here at work is just fine. No problem at all.

But hitting a girly page can get folks in real trouble.

If people are going to post links that contain material that could be considered inapropriate, there should be a warning.

Anything more hardcore than links to girlies and a few boobs shouldn't be posted at all here IMHO.

[Phelan]

Viewing some young lass's bits is NOT OK.

lol fag

Sorry.... I don't smoke :fist:

[2Dogs]

Bull**** Paul, surfing AF here at work is just fine. No problem at all.


No Bull****!

You work for TAFE so I'm surprised your internet usage isn't being monitored & reported to someone.

Most of the places I've worked if it's not business related then get off. I'm currently running reports here at work for management on staff usage...... <insert andrewc hitler avatar>

....besides I like a good girlie link or too. :wink:

[Milkovitsch]

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y93/GBM2004/125.jpg

[Eberbachl]

Bull**** Paul, surfing AF here at work is just fine. No problem at all.


No Bull****!

You work for TAFE so I'm surprised your internet usage isn't being monitored & reported to someone.

Most of the places I've worked if it's not business related then get off. I'm currently running reports here at work for management on staff usage...... <insert andrewc hitler avatar>

....besides I like a good girlie link or too. :wink:

Yup, I work at TAFE, and I know the network usage policy.


...Personal use of the network for services such as e-mail or web access is permitted where
this constitutes minor activities...

Surfing AF is fine.

...however...

[quote=Network Usage Policy]...Unacceptable use of the network includes:
. the use of the institute

[primal]

I did not consider the workplace issue. It was a one-off thing, in the unlikely event that it should happen again I will add a warning.

Back to the funny stuff:

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y93/GBM2004/125.jpg

:rofl: nice comeback milk! thats gold

EDIT :

ohhh no that was my 666th post.... evil. hissss.

just wait till i get to 777. YEAH

[zadow]

Some of these are big files, but cool! :D

Can you pass Super Mario Bro's 3 in 11 minutes?? (i know i cant)
http://www.2flashgames.com/viewlink.php?url=http://www.lookatentertainment.com/v/v-1314.htm&id=1703


:o :o that's insane!! i couldnt even finish that game let alone with a time limit lol

[Milkovitsch]

ww



.

[primal]

For those that don't know him, Berlusconi is the Italian PM - a centre-right politician, one of Europe's wealthiest men etc etc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UiY5gB_LPw

OMGosh. :o :rofl:

[CMB50]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(you're gonna love this)


(its a real treat)



(a masterpiece)


(wait for it)





The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."





:rofl: :rofl:

:drum:


:sorry:

[dbjac]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(you're gonna love this)


(its a real treat)



(a masterpiece)


(wait for it)





The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."





:rofl: :rofl:

:drum:


:sorry:

AHAHA thats pretty good! :lol:

[2Dogs]

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/31/ebay_box_sale/

:rofl:

[andrewf87]

:rofl:

[Jason.P]

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/31/ebay_box_sale/

:rofl:

That's a pearl-er :D :rofl:

[primal]

It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."



:drum: <-this...is the best emoticon ever.

[Marcus]

:rofl: freaking GOLD that is!


A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(you're gonna love this)


(its a real treat)



(a masterpiece)


(wait for it)





The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."





:rofl: :rofl:

:drum:


:sorry:

[primal]

http://content3.i-am-bored.com/games/catfly.gif

[primal]

http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/sub_122.shtml
april 1st public sevice announcments.

this one is gold..

http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/office_psa_jellybeans.shtml#video


:bday:

maybe someday i'll get back my avatar options? who knows? maybe not. maybe i'll be known as "tissue box man" the rest of my life. Maybe i'll get a kleenex sponsorship? who knows.

[primal]

marcus this ones for you.

http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/office_psa_foul.shtml#video

[Archangel]

marcus this ones for you.

http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/office_psa_foul.shtml#video
Ergh, it's not the same without David Brent ;-)

[CMB50]

For all you useless information types and trivia seekers:


Just in case you wanted to know this.


On The 4th of next month, at two minutes and three seconds after1:00
in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.


That won't ever happen again. Except in America, where the at two minutes and three seconds after one am on 5th April (today) reads: 01:02:03 04/05/06
And this 'strange phenomena' happens again at 12:34:56 07/08/09 ( I know it's not exactly the same, but its about as useful to know as anything else in this email)


You may now return to your life

[StevenB]

That won't ever happen again. Except in America, where the at two minutes and three seconds after one am on 5th April (today) reads: 01:02:03 04/05/06



yes it will, in 3006 :-?

[dbjac]

...and 2106...

[Marcus]

New archery game

Got to level 10, 139 points

http://www.boyslife.org/games/archery/index.html

[robbo]

Level 10 153 points. :D
















On easy. :P

[robbo]

Level 10 ........... 303 points. :D


On Hard.

[Hannah]

Man - you people have far too much time on your hands!!! I could only get up to level 3, 12 points AND on "easy"!!!

:cry:

[robbo]

There is a little trick to it. :D

[primal]

166 level 7- got a at the start of level 7 i had to take.

[primal]

i though it unfair that i was interupted so i played again. 254 level 10 8) could have been a 300 but i dropped a couple of arrows.

[Marcus]

If you complete level 10 YOU WIN!
only 243 points though. :(

[Marcus]

Finished with 301 on the hard level.

[primal]

Finished with 301 on the hard level.

man you must be busy. :o



:drum: here he is again

[robbo]

Finished with 301 on the hard level.


Only 2 off. :D

[robbo]

Finished with 301 on the hard level.


Only 2 off. :D


I will have to have another go to try and stay in front. :-?

[robbo]

315 on hard ........... level 10. 0X

[The One]

315 on hard ........... level 10. 0X

307 on hard :(

[mattg]

330 on hard :D

[robbo]

330 on hard :D



Now I have too play it again. :roll:

[robbo]

341 :D

[Flehrad]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v432/Coight/uni1/woodpuzzle.jpg

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y190/vamp_angel71/Funnies/omg.jpg

[andrewf87]

This is good for a laugh:
http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/44/Giving+a+cop+the+finger/stream

[wiggles]

Well, what do he expect?

[Shirt]

Saw that years ago, was hilarious even then. :lol: :lol:

[CMB50]

Just got this one via email. Jim might appreciate it!


Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the morning' to yer sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are dose tings?" asks the attendant.
They're called tees" replies Tiger.

"Well what on God's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving" says Tiger.

"Fook me" says the Irishman "BMW tinks of everyting"

[Eolla]

This is good for a laugh:
http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/44/Giving+a+cop+the+finger/stream


Yep you're right, it was damn good for a laugh, do you know how many times I have actually wanted to do that to some smarta#$@ ......

[primal]

"Fook me" says the Irishman "BMW tinks of everyting"

Cam, as per my expectation... more fooking gold. :drum:

[Kuru]

Fun game :D
http://www.theclubmanager.com/

[ozther]

got this power point show in an email, thought it amusing.....


Holidays under the new IR laws (http://members.dodo.com.au/~ozther/HolidaysunderthenewIRlaws.pps)


http://members.dodo.com.au/~ozther/HolidaysunderthenewIRlaws.pps

think you have to right click save as, least I had to.....

[Hannah]

How very apt...

[Liam]

That was pretty funny.

:o

[BrokenArr0w]

mmm... not really..

[unclepete]

It

[BrokenArr0w]

:o thats awsome!

[Bia]

12 minutes and now the tune is in my head... 0X hahahahahah

[primal]

[quote=unclepete]It

[andrewf87]

Thats very impressive :)

[dbjac]

:o

[unclepete]

More time wasting...

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/London_Tourist_Board

[StevenB]

http://www.helpwinthisbet.com/


this is pretty good

[CMB50]

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

[Progen]

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and me hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species.."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

[StevenB]

its good to see you keep trying Progen

[Progen]

:roll:

[dbjac]

they were reasonably amusing, i thought.

[Marcus]

ttt

[Marcus]

fixing a bug

[Marcus]

fixing a bug

[2Dogs]

Well hurry up!, at $110 an hour your costing yourself too much :wink:

[Eberbachl]

What bug?

:lol:

[Eberbachl]

Oh!

That one :D

[Marcus]

it should work soon enough

[Marcus]

how bout now?

[dbjac]

Nope. Keep going. :wink: :lol:

[wiggles]

Just got back from work, working now. Thanks.

[wiggles]

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.


I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

KEEP READING.......

================================================== ===


TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV
52 times you sulked and slept on the couch


Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

[unclepete]

A golfer, well into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that juts out off the coast.

It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball always fell short, into the ocean. Because of this he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick.

Recently he went to Pebble Beach to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball and said a silent prayer.

Before he hit it however, a powerful voice from above said, "WAIT... REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND-NEW BALL."

He complied, with some slight misgiving, despite the fact that the Lord seemed to be implying that He was going to let him finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "WAIT... STEP BACK... TAKE A PRACTICE SWING." So he stepped back and took a practice swing.

The voice boomed out again, "TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING." He did. Silence followed.

Then the voice spoke out again. "PUT BACK THE OLD BALL."

[katzgrin]

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j221/katzgrin/1sociable.jpg

[Clare Barnes]

Are appearances deceptive?

http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz

[Mike13]

Are appearances deceptive?

http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz
Very cool and really interesting. :wink:

[primal]

Are appearances deceptive?

http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz

6/10. oh well im not a complete psycho-nerd lover then. dman :P

[dbjac]

:o 7/10...

[robbo]

5/10 I should avoid a career in law enforcement or IT recruitment. :-?

[robbo]

5/10 I should avoid a career in law enforcement or IT recruitment. :-?

[Eolla]

8/10 and part B is my line of work...(actually I do sex offenders not killers)

[andrewf87]

7/10

[primal]

:o 7/10...

so who was your hero derek. the barber of saville?

[The One]

9/10, excellent, my liver is safe :D

[Jason.P]

7/10 Is it lava or fava beans :crazyeyes:

[bigfella]

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks,"How will I recognize him?" "That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. "A female horth." So he shows him a prized
filly.

"Nithe looking horth. Can I thee her eyeth?" So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

"Nithe eyeth, can I thee her earz?" So he picks the little fella up again and shows him the horse's ears.

"Nithe earzth, can I thee her mouth?" The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nithe mouf, can I see her twat?" Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his armsand rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls himout and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. :silly:

Perhapth I should re-phrathe that;

Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?"

[katzgrin]

From the Daily Telegraph yesterday page 23

New Zealanders lead the world in Google searches for the word "sheep" and are No. 2 for looking up "porn".
And Australia is second and fourth respectively in the search for these words.
The good news for Aussie Aussie and Kiwi men - and therefore women - is they are No. 1 and No. 2 at typing "girlfriend" in the search field.

I notice that the article did not use "sheep" and "girlfriend" in the same sentence and made no mention of the number of expat Kiwis living in Australia.
As the defendant said in court "I was only helping the sheep over the fence your honour"

[bigfella]

Here's one for the Olddog.. memory is a bit of an issue when one reaches his venerable age.

A bloke is looking for a new caddy.
His friend says, "I know a great one - only thing is he's 90 years old but he's got eyes like a hawk."
"OK, tell him I'm playing next week"
A week later they head for the first hole- the golfer slices badly and his ball heads for the rough.
"Caddy, did you see where it went?"
"Yes I did"
"OK where is it?"
"I forget"

[Milkovitsch]

Isn't English a fantastic language? Try these on for size;

Bandages are wound around the wound.
Farms are used to produce produce.
Landfills are so full that they now have to refuse more refuse.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
When shot at the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for an invalid.
There was a row amongst the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The wind was too strong to wind in the sail.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend.



.

[unclepete]

I'm gruntled about that :)

[Clare Barnes]

And my promptu response:

ENGLISH PRONOUNCIATION

I take it you already know
Of though and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, lough and through.
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead: it

[BrokenArr0w]

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/zrzk.gif

[StevenB]

www.psycronics.com/vids/SunriseG.wmv

language warning

[Normie]

Whats your outlaw bikie name? 0X


http://www.ratbike.org/motorcycho/outlawname.php


cheers!

"Bubba" of the White Werewolves MC 0X :robot: :fist:

[primal]

Caleb Anderson =
Nitro Caleb of the White Werewolfes MC

now some other peoples MC names.....
Eberbachl, one of our beloved admins =
Headbanger of the Booze Junkies MC

Marcus =
Jelly Belly of the Spirit Stalkers MC (i laugh so hard i thought i'd cry)

[Phelan]

Titty Squeezer of the Hell's Beerguts MC

- gee they know me so well :lol:

[primal]

Titty Squeezer of the Hell's Beerguts MC

- gee they know me so well :lol:

man thats the best one yet

[beetle]

Headbanger of the Popes Of Hell MC

:rofl:

[Mike13]

I'm Bug Brain of the Cracked Craniums MC and Clash is Bitch of the Donkey Punchers MC :lol: . Could be trouble with two gangs under the one roof. Must go find the street sweeper.

[Marcus]

As long as neither of you wear your colours to the dinner table things should be OK.

The Spirit Stalkers will be shooting the White Warewolves on sight.

[Mike13]

Hey I'll be cool but I don't trust a Donkey Puncher.

[Marcus]

Starting to see why she works in a horse supplies place now! :o

[primal]

The Spirit Stalkers will be shooting the White Warewolves on sight.
ohhhh im so scared.. :behindsofa: :roll:


dont forget to watchyour back.... :2gunfire:

[Marcus]

I'll just put a big X on my back, I'll be safe.
:P :D :lol:

[primal]

I'll just put a big X on my back, I'll be safe.
:P :D :lol:

wrong. i'll just drop a typical low 10 and hit you in the arse

see artists impression below

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~archery/images/cartoon2.jpg

:rofl:

[Marcus]

Actually I would be more worried about my hand in that picture. :P

[robbo]

Ol' Moose of the Toecutters MC. :-?


I wanted to be a Titty Sqeezer. :(

[primal]

Found this really funny zombie game

Zombie game (http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?garngetstuffed)

[alexvpaq]

So...
Japanese did it...
http://loituma.pwnz.nl/
song that make u dependant... 8)

[Flehrad]

So...
Japanese did it...
http://loituma.pwnz.nl/
song that make u dependant... 8)

No idea if that's even a language, but if it is, it's not japanese lol.
Her name is Orihime and it comes from the anime Bleach.

[Clare Barnes]

http://www.newportharbor.us/computerworks.htm

[andrewf87]

Something dbjac showed me of some high speed cameras, some of the videos are amazing.
http://www.photron.com/

[CMB50]

Whats your outlaw bikie name? 0X


http://www.ratbike.org/motorcycho/outlawname.php


cheers!

"Bubba" of the White Werewolves MC 0X :robot: :fist:


Shovelhead
Galloping Goats MC

:rofl:

[Nathan]

Shovelhead
Galloping Goats MC

:rofl:

Lil' Titty Squeezer
Hungry Horses MC :D

[BrokenArr0w]

Lil' Knucklehead of the Hell's Beerguts MC.. sweeet

[Flehrad]

A subtle way of saying Australia beat Japan during the World Cup

http://japan.justgotowned.com/

[CMB50]

:rofl:

Is that the Australian Boys choir doing the backing music?

[andrewf87]

:rofl: Gee looks like Japan got owned pretty damn bad

[Cartz]

Just a few classic flash movies for you to enjoy :)

http://www.funnyheck.com/60seconds.html

http://www.funnyheck.com/piloot.html

http://www.funnyheck.com/italianeng.html

[ninevalleys]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8787167598122974422&q=Pokemon

Check it out, for all you hardcore pokemon fans out there.
or for all you people who just like funny crap

cheers nV

[andrewf87]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8787167598122974422&q=Pokemon

Check it out, for all you hardcore pokemon fans out there.
or for all you people who just like funny crap

cheers nV

:rofl:

[Marcus]

Lets post into new threads guys, makes it easier to follow and find older funny stuff. (that's why I made it)