Old Light Relief Thread

[hoyt for life 2]

3 backpackers pull up at a backpacker motel thing, the charge for one night is $30 so they all pay $10 3X10=$30. the manager realises the charge was ment to b $25 so he gives $5 to stingy jef to take back. stingy jef realises $5 cant b evenly split between the 3 backpackers so he gives them all $1 each and keeps $2 for him self. so now they have each payed $9. and stingy jef has $2 to bie a pie for lunch. so 9x3=27+2=$29
what happened to the other dollar?
what flavor pie did stingy jef bie?

[Gone]

what flavor pie did stingy jef bie?

Stupid American flavour.

[Archangel]

Not that sodding thing again... why can't people just let it die...

They paid $25 plus the $2 that stingy jef kept.
For those of you who obviously haven't had much of an education ("bie"? Please...) that makes $27. The 3x$1 they got back makes up $30.

[wareagle]

:rofl: jef gave two of them back $1 and kept $3 for himself.
2x$9=$18. 1x$7=$7total =$25. assuming stingy jef is one of the back packers

[Randall_1611]

NO SPIKKA INGLISH!!!


A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first, Den I come, Den two a$$e$ come together. I come once-a-more. Two a$$e$, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one last time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about out sex lives........."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'ma justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'!!"

I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!!!!!

[Reece]

3 backpackers pull up at a backpacker motel thing, the charge for one night is $30 so they all pay $10 3X10=$30. the manager realises the charge was ment to b $25 so he gives $5 to stingy jef to take back. stingy jef realises $5 cant b evenly split between the 3 backpackers so he gives them all $1 each and keeps $2 for him self. so now they have each payed $9. and stingy jef has $2 to bie a pie for lunch. so 9x3=27+2=$29
what happened to the other dollar?
what flavor pie did stingy jef bie?

Actually they paid $9.33... each

$30 - $5 = $25
$25 / 3 = $8.33...
$8.33... + $1 = 9.33...

9.33... x 3 = $28 plus the $2 = $30

[The One]

I think you'll find that they spent $9 each, minus the $2 = $25 (as shown by the fact that they paid $10, and then got $1 back each.

Black Pepper Steak

[Archangel]

Black Pepper Steak
How many places sell black pepper steak pies for $2?
I reckon he bought two Big Ben pies - being stingy and all...

[hoyt for life 2]

aparently you can find the answer to that problem by searching for missing dollar on the internet, thats what the maths book told me when i looked in the answer section.
the local dairy round were i live charges 1.50 for big ben pies, its a bloody rip off.

[Gone]

aparently you can find the answer to that problem by searching for missing dollar on the internet, thats what the maths book told me when i looked in the answer section.

YOU REALLY ARE A DUMB****

[BrokenArr0w]

bahahaha.. thats nice

but i guess u have to be blunt with idiots

[unclepete]

Sir Edgbert, knight of the realm, was hurrying home on a cold, dark, wet night when, suddenly, his horse suffered a major coronary and died on the spot. All Sir Edgbert could do was collect up what belongings he could and tramp onwards.

After staggering for a spell, he decides that he must get alternative transport. Accordingly, he heads for the nearest building which, as luck would have it, is a small farm. He strides up to the door, bangs on it and shouts 'A horse! A horse!. I must have a horse!".

The door opens to reveal a young girl. She looks at Sir Edgbert and says, "Your pardon, good knight but my father and brothers are returning from the village on the other side of the forest and will not be back before noon tomorrow. They are riding all our horses".

Sir Edgbert is saddened by this and says "But I must return home immediately. Have you any idea where I may accuire alternative transportation?".

The young girl says "I know of no other horses hereabouts, but sometimes my brothers ride our Great Dane dog when the need arises. Would use of that help?"

Sir Edgbert is desperate and says "If I must, I must. Show me the animal".

The young girl leads the way around to the back of the farmhouse to a stable. She dissapears inside and returns leading an enormous dog which is quite of a size for riding. Unfortunately, the dog has seen better days. It's coat is threadbare, it's legs are spindly and it seems to be breathing labouriously.

Sir Edgbert looks at the young girl and says, "Surely, you wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this?"

[unclepete]

Firefox fan?

http://funnyfox.org/

[stodrette]

He was a ragged looking old man who shuffled into the bar that afternoon.
Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and gave it to the bartender. "I'll
take this job," he said.

The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been awhile since he had a player and business was falling off.

"What do you do?" he asked.

"I used to be a Air Force fighter pilot in Vietnam", was the answer. Now,
really unsure, the barkeep decided to a least give him a try...he really
needed more business. "The piano is over there...give it a go."

The old man staggered his way over to the piano and several patrons
snickered. But, by the time he was into the third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music unlike anyone had ever heard in the bar before. When he finished, there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender brought the old guy a beer and said that he sounded really, really good. "What do you call that?" he asked.

"It's called Drop Your Panties, Baby, We're Gonna Rock Tonight," said the old pilot as he took a long pull from the beer. "I got another,"...and he
began to play again. What followed was a knee-slappin', hand-clappin bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. People were coming in from the streets to hear this guy play. After he finished, the pilot acknowledged the
applause and told the crowd that the song was called "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Dance." He then excused himself as he lurched off to the men's room.

After thinking a bit, the bartender decided to hire the guy, no matter how
bad he looked, or what his songs were called. When the guy came out of the men's room, the bartender went over to tell him he had the job, but noticed that the pilot's fly was undone and his member was hanging out.
He said "The job is yours but first I got to ask, do you know your fly is
undone and your dick is hanging out?

"Know it?" the pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!!

[archer4518]

I was down on the Gold Coast today, and I drove past Schapell Corby's beauty salon, and the sign on the window said




" BACK IN 20 "

[Gunzer]

I was down on the Gold Coast today, and I drove past Schapell Corby's beauty salon, and the sign on the window said




" BACK IN 20 "

Oh very funny. Do have some more taste.

[The One]

I thought it was kinda funny

[robbo]

:o :-?

[BrokenArr0w]

I was down on the Gold Coast today, and I drove past Schapell Corby's beauty salon, and the sign on the window said




" BACK IN 20 "
hahaha.. thats funny, in a sick sort of way..

[CMB50]

I was down on the Gold Coast today, and I drove past Schapell Corby's beauty salon, and the sign on the window said




" BACK IN 20 "


:rofl:

[shooting_star]

lol :lol:

[Lyle]

Here's another.
Victa has a new model out now - Victa Schapelle; catcher holds 4Kgs of grass and has a 20 year warranty.

[unclepete]

Bizarre :)

http://forgetmenotpanties.contagiousmedia.org/

[beetle]

Bizarre :)

http://forgetmenotpanties.contagiousmedia.org/




:o

[BrokenArr0w]

LMFAO!

thats f*cked up... tracking underware

[Flehrad]

In a recent marketing campaign in Vancouver 3M sought a strong image for their security glass.

They modified a bus shelter and fitted their security glass and filled it with real money.....

Many have tried to gain access with golf clubs and baseball bats but obviously the glass remains intact! :o


http://www.freewebtown.com/Flehrad/misc/BusShelterMoney.jpg

[Gone]

A few drunk engineering students would have it out in a jiffy...

[Shirt]

I'd go for a very very small chisel and a very large hammer... lots of pressure. Find a weak point (around any holes drilled in it) and you should be away...

[Gone]

Or steal a truck and drive it into it.

[unclepete]

An oxy and dry ice

[unclepete]

Or steal a truck and drive it into it.

Backhoe? :)

[grantwomack]

I reckon an arrow would get into it...

Either that or pour liquid nitrogen over it for a while, get a cold chisel and hammer, that'd do it.

[BrokenArr0w]

i coult get into that.. easy....

rip off the whole thing, put it in the back of the car and drive off with it, get to work on it at home

[StevenB]

Personally I would go with ripping the whole bus shelter off



A few drunk engineering students would have it out in a jiffy...


there ****ing useless when they are sober, let alone when drunk.


A couple of mates at my high school, top marks in our year for physics (up there in the state as well) would have had that thing apart in no time at all.

They were smart, and complete psychopaths

[Milkovitsch]

So many experts out there.......yet the cash is still there!

[The One]

drunk engineering students

Is there any other type? :P

[steves]

Great Ad, But from someone who claims to have seen it;
"There was only $500 of real currency, the rest is fake. A security guard was present for the duration of the promotion. People were told they could only use their feet and would not get to keep the money if they were successful. "

[StevenB]

So many experts out there.......yet the cash is still there!

yes and we are here

[Milkovitsch]

,jj

[Archangel]

Great Ad, But from someone who claims to have seen it;
"There was only $500 of real currency, the rest is fake. A security guard was present for the duration of the promotion. People were told they could only use their feet and would not get to keep the money if they were successful. "
Obviously they're not too confident in their product!
Seriously, what's the point if you're going to put restrictions like that on it... :roll:

Wasn't all that recent though; I remember reading about it a wee while ago now.

[Gunzer]

So many experts out there.......yet the cash is still there!

Get me to Vancouver and I'll demonstrate you how it should be done. The prize money of course is mine for the taking :D

[archer4518]

Once upon a time a man asked a woman,

" Will you marry me? "

" No " she replied

And the man lived happily ever after.


The End

[2Dogs]

:rofl:

Oh **** I knew I shouldn't have taken the Red Pill!!

[abaggs]

:D

ive not gotten into the chair yet :roll: :lol:

[Bia]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Bia]

For the girls:

- The heart of a woman is like a circus: There

[unclepete]

- Why do women have cleaner minds then men? They change them more often :)

[abaggs]

:rofl:

[Pinky]

Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to
stomp the **** out of them until they turn into something acceptable to
have dinner with.

[robbo]

:o :-? :D

[Gunzer]

Let me guess... this'll turn into something like ****s envy...

Can we have something else other than gender differences?

[robbo]

[quote=Bia]- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WOMAN THAT FINALLY UNDERSTOOD MEN? She laughed so much that she died and didn

[abaggs]

:lol:

[mbomike]

Associated Press (AP) 15 June 2005, 07:32 (Brisbane, Australia)
Earthquake Rocks Ipswich.

A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale has hit Australia
in the early hours of this morning, with the epicentre believed to be
in the South Eastern City of Ipswich. Victims were seen wandering
around aimlessly muttering, "F'kin ell" and "Whadda carnt".

The earthquake has completely decimated the area, leaving a damage bill
expected to exceed more than $3000. Several priceless collections,
including mementos from the Torana Appreciation Society and the Ipswich
Progress Hall, were destroyed in the quake. Three areas of historic
burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their
welfare cheques arrived.

Brisbane radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something
interesting had happened in the area. One resident - Tracy Sharon
Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little
Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest
two, Tyler-Morgan and Levi-Storm slept through it all. I was still
shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer later in the morning".

The people of Ipswich are a resilient community and evidence of a full
recovery can already been seen, with looting, muggings and car crime
carrying on as normal.

The aid response from local charities has been swift. The Red Cross has
so far managed to ship 4,000 cases each of Bundy & Coke and PJ Durries
to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
personal belongings, which include Centrelink booklets, Bronco tee
shirts, Acca Dacca cassettes, Holden HSV bedding covers, Priceline
jewellery and fine bone china from Bi-Lo.

The Red Cross seeks to raise money for food and clothing, to be
air-dropped as parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this
disaster.
Donations of clothing are in demand. Items most needed include baseball
caps;
tracksuit tops (his and hers); flannelette shirts (female); footy
socks; ugg boots; and any other items usually sold in "Op" Shops.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include, Pluto Pups (Dagwood Dogs), doner kebabs,
McDonalds,
KFC, ice cream and cans of UDL Bourbon and Coke; Passion Pop and XXXX
Bitter.

Charities are also accepting cash donations through any Liquorland
outlet.
$0.25 buys a ball point pen for filling in compensation forms; $5.00
buys chips, sausages, gherkins, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a
family of nine; $10.00 will buy a packet of Winfield Blues 25s and a
lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Aid agencies have requested that no tents be sent into the affected
suburb, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of the
neighbouring areas.

[mbomike]

On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the
following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a
shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later, on these same absolutely stunning, deserted islands in
the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:


One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in
a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits
with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the
English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, and
another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a
restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to
supply employees for their stores.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because
the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body, the
true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the
necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how
sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected
her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship
with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it
isn't
raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and set
up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because
it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky.

But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any
fun.

[OldDog]

My sister/aunt was hit between the legs by flying debris which broke 3 of my brothers fingers. :o

[Shirt]

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and set
up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because
it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky.

But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any
fun.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[TJ Mason]

A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach.

He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him.

The first says to him, "Have you ever been hugged?"

The man shakes his head, and she leans down and gives him a big hug.

The second says to him, "Have you ever been kissed?"

He shakes his head.

She kisses him.

The third says to him, "Have you ever been f****d?"

"No," says the man, his eyes lighting up.

"Well, you are now. The tide

[Clare Barnes]

USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips.

Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

[unclepete]

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by cheque. "I know you need to make sure the cheque is good, so I'll write now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." "I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

[Lyle]

When Harry Meets Pete

Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?.. and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT!?? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die.. I'm too young." said Harry. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own..."

Harry thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen." Harry replied. And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered.

But man, now "he" felt like the rear end was gonna blow.. then along came the rooster.
"Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said. "How does it feel?"

"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before??"

"No, how do I do that?" Harry asked.

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
Harry clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Harry said "that felt really good!"
So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:
"Harry, for Gods sake wake up, you're s*****ing all over the bed.

[Gunzer]

OMG Lyle, you made me laugh so hard, I farted. :lol:

[CMB50]

The Four Cats !

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.............Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?" The Government Employee called his cat and said "CoffeeBreak, do your stuff."
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, **** on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation...............and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

[hoyt for life 2]

The New Zealand badminton team have anounced they want to be called the Black Cocks :o
Its thue

[The One]

Someone was watching the news! And Aussie's should be called the CockadoodleRoos!

[CMB50]

Slow news day in NZ huh?

[The One]

Slow news day in NZ huh?

Aren't they always? :lol:

[hoyt for life 2]

there isnt that much happening around here these days. those english fullas are on the news every night for no reason and they spent a week discusing that australian drug smugler.
a couple of weeks ago they had a story on the national scrable championships :o

[shooting_star]

Guns N' Roses rock.


ps. GO THE MAROONS!

[Milkovitsch]

Yea, GO YOU MIGHTY MORONS !!!

[StevenB]

Yea, GO YOU MIGHTY MORONS !!!


They sure did go.........




















home with nothing :P

[hoyt for life 2]

Guns N' Roses rock.

new album comeing out in november, its 4 years late so it should be good.

[shooting_star]

Guns N' Roses rock.

new album comeing out in november, its 4 years late so it should be good.

Sweet! :D

Yea, GO YOU MIGHTY MORONS !!!


They sure did go.........




















home with nothing :P


we'll win next time... its the next game that counts.

[unclepete]

They win one. We win one.

Then it's the 'deciding' match with all the media hoopla and sellouts at all three games.

What

a

surprise.





NOT

[Milkovitsch]

Good to see someone agree at last
http://www.archery-forum.com/viewtopic.php?t=90986&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

How's the shooting Uncle?


.

[grantwomack]

It's much the same as the alleged "World Series" of baseball in the US.

It is the best of 7 games and they rarely finish the series before the 7th game. With each player getting paid an extortionate amount per game to play, TV stations getting the advertising money, 7/11's getting the extra cans of Bud sold, three extra games is very worthwhile to a lot of people and companies worldwide. :-?

[Archangel]

7/11's getting the extra cans of Bud sold
Foul stuff that it is... :( :roll:

[mbomike]

One must listen carefully .

An ageing couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it
might be time for marriage. But before tying the knot, they went out for a
heart to heart talk over dinner about whether it would really work out.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, snoring, and so on. Finally,
the gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical
relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked. "Well," she said,
responding very carefully, "I'd have to say that I would like it
infrequently." The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then looking
over his glasses, he casually asked,

"Was that one word or two?"

[abaggs]

:rofl:

[Flehrad]

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y78/lalune0179/philipslights.jpg

[Lyle]

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant
you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I
failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten."

The woman said, "That's okay." and for her first wish, she wanted
to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her,
"You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most
handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to. "

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful
woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM! she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the
world and he will be ten times richer than you.

" The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine." So, KAZAM! she's the richest woman in the world.

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop
here and continue feeling good.

Attention Male readers: Please scroll down.








































The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this,
it only goes to show that you women never listen!

[Archangel]

Hahahahaha! Love it! :lol:

[abaggs]

:rofl: times ten! :lol:

[hoyt for life 2]

The blackcocks beat australia 3-0 in the badmiton series a few weeks back. :o

[unclepete]

Aging Affair

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and it read's:-

Dear Wife (that's what he called her)

I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:-

Dear Husband (that's what she called him)

I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!!

[frommy]

:rofl: :rofl:

[shooting_star]

:rofl:

[Bia]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Bia]

HEy! Master Bowman! hahahaha

[CMB50]

check this out. It's a pretty cool site and works on the 20 questions game.

The Flash animation is some of the best i've seen.

Starwars fans will enjoy this.

www.sithsense.com

[Ed]

This is really good - it's been right every time!

[unclepete]

Sith happens...

[Pinky]

Woohoo! I beat Darth Vadar :fist:

[blade(RC)]

i beat darth vader too. hahaha i should join the sith. :robot: :lol:

[Gunzer]

Harharharhar (the database is shmall!)

30 questions and Vader loses :)

I was thinking of a BAT....

Trick is, be definitive at the first 7 questions, then obscure the facts! That'll send the algorithim in a myriad of possible solutions.

Harharharharhar (I am teh evil :evil: haxzor)

[unclepete]

I AM HEREBY OFFICIALLY TENDERING MY RESIGNATION AS AN ADULT.

I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a five-star restaurant.

I want to think M&M's are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to eat a whole packet of Tim Tams and not feel guilty afterwards.

I want to return to when all you knew were colours, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes.

I want to return to when you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

I want to remember when your whole morning was consumed by wondering what mum had packed you for lunch, and the whole afternoon wondering what you were having for dinner.

When a simple matchbox car or barbie doll represented an entire week's worth of entertainment.

When the characters at a theme park were real, not just people dressed up in suits.

When Santa Claus, Superman and Luke Skywalker were actual people who just lived a long way away.

When you actually had an imagination.

When magic really existed.

When 'Jaws' didn't look fake.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. And that good would always triumph over evil.

When a member of the opposite sex was just some annoying disturbance.

When friends were real, and you didn't know, or didn't care if they were black, or catholic, or asian or african or muslim, or fat or skinny, or pink or green or from a whole other planet, it just didn't matter....

I want to believe that anything is possible, all you have to do is dream.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be completely ecstatic by the little things again, like the sound of the Mr Whippy van.

I DON'T want to know what computer crashes are, paperwork, the news, doctor bills, gossip, fines, car rego, insurance, medicare, income tax, mortgages and the need to work for a living.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, and humankind.

I want to believe that all adults must know everything about everything. (Scary Hey!!)

So . . here's my cheque book and my car-keys, my credit card, bills and all my statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, 'cause. . . . . . "Tag! You're it."

[hoyt for life 2]

bill's cool new game http://www.ninjado.com/channels/bwarchery/secrets2.htm
i got 27 once[/url]

[Liam]

bill's cool new game http://www.ninjado.com/channels/bwarchery/secrets2.htm
i got 27 once[/url]

I got 28 first go and flash games aren't my thing. o_0

[The One]

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a395/andy2001nz/Advertising.jpg

[Archangel]

I AM HEREBY OFFICIALLY TENDERING MY RESIGNATION AS AN ADULT.....

Awwww.... I feel all nostalgic now :-D

[The One]

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a395/andy2001nz/archery-sign.jpg

I like rule number 2, but rule number 5 has me pondering :)

[Barracuda]

Sorry if it's already been posted.

First Grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess.

Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"

Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."

Teacher says "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

She does and gets a cookie.

Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.

Morris says, "I played with Sarah in sand box."

Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'Box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."

Morris does, and gets a cookie.

Teacher then asks Mustafa Abdul Mahmoud what he did at recess.

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."

Teacher says, "They threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination."

"If you can go to the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."

[The One]

:rofl:

[Barracuda]

Two old guys are pushing their carts around K-Mart when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going" The second old guy says, "That's OK, It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?" The second old guy says: "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big bust, and is wearing short shorts.

What does your wife look like?" To which the first old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."

[Barracuda]

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Sydney Airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom...

"This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Sydney. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Sydney

[grantwomack]

check this out. It's a pretty cool site and works on the 20 questions game.

The Flash animation is some of the best i've seen.

Starwars fans will enjoy this.

www.sithsense.com
Found something it couldn't get...

A rambutan! :D

[Gunzer]

hey threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination."

"If you can go to the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."
Mustafa Abdul Mahmoud goes to the blackboard, writes 'blatant racial discrimination' (in foreign script)... and gets the entire cookie jar...

everyone else scratches their head, thinking... "wtf was that?"

:lol:

[OldDog]

check this out. It's a pretty cool site and works on the 20 questions game.

The Flash animation is some of the best i've seen.

Starwars fans will enjoy this.

www.sithsense.com
Found something it couldn't get...

A rambutan! :D
Well when it said what are you thinkin of I came up with...Killin Darth Vader. After going through all the questions the dumb prick told me I was thinkin of a vacuum cleaner. :o

[Flame]

not much difference :D

[unclepete]

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?"

The man replied, "I work for the Taxation Department."

[Eberbachl]

After going through all the questions the dumb prick told me I was thinkin of a vacuum cleaner. :o


That's 'cause his sith sense told him you suck :D

:P

:rofl:

[Clare Barnes]

Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2005: Additions for the Work-Place Vocabulary.

TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on (there may be cake).

MOUSE POTATO
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes.

404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found,"

OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

WOOFies
Well Off Older Folk.

CROP DUSTING
Surreptitiously farting while passing through a CUBE FARM, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.

[Gone]

PROCRASTULATION
Being congragulated for something you didn't do.

[unclepete]

PROCRASTULATION
Being congragulated for something you didn't do.

I thought that was being congratulated for something you hadn't done yet. At least you know which task to concentrate on...

[abaggs]

CROP DUSTING
Surreptitiously farting while passing through a CUBE FARM, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.
:rofl:

[unclepete]

Observations by an insightful American

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.


THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.


TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse......You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!

[archerybob]

if it has been posted i don't care just got it from a mate and loved it

Cows: GLOBAL ECONOMICS DE-MYSTIFIED

SOCIALISM:
You have two cows, and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have two cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have two cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

BUREAUCRATISM:
You have two cows, the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them

[apexrob]

thought this was funny ........
http://pichold.com/up/4sale.jpg

[apexrob]

and this...
http://pichold.com/up/beer_baby.jpg

[apexrob]

what the heack one more....
http://pichold.com/up/beerdates.jpg

[Flehrad]

http://www.lovethosekids.com/illusions/aaillus.htm

Some old ones, some interesting ones...

[katzgrin]

True story. Why did my mobile have to ring while I was being breath tested in a small country town? The cop looked as though he was going to say something as I handed it to my wife.

At least it didn't ring 4 or five hours later when I was stopped at the same place on the way back into town. What a pity it was such a mild June night.

[katzgrin]

and this...
http://pichold.com/up/beer_baby.jpg

Is that a can or a shot glass he's holding?

[Foxcub]

> > Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge
> > around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel, and getting up to
> > maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one
> > sandwich
> > short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the
> > males
> > actually joined in.
> >
> > One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and
> > Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.
> > "STOP!" he shouted in a firm voice. Have you got a license for that
> > thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat
> > wrapper,
> > and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
> >
> > As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold
> > popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of
> > insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster, and
>.] held
> > it up to him.
> > Harold nodded and said "Carry on, ma'am."
> >
> > As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig
> > stepped out in front of her, stark naked, with a very sizable
> > erection.
> >
> > Oh, good grief," cried Ethel, "not the Breathalyzer again!"

[OldDog]

Thats it, you are officially not 18 any more. You shall remain 17 forever. :oops: :oops: :D

[unclepete]

:rofl:

He's obviously well-taught :wink:

[Shermo]

That's tops Toby :lol: :lol:

[unclepete]

Try this one on. Not a penguin in sight

http://bassel.free.fr/jeux/canadair.swf

Reduce speed with your 'left' arrow so that you're in the blue section of the speed arc. (right arrow key increases speed).

Up and down arrow keys work like normal a/c stick.

Kiss the water GENTLY so that you don't crash and the water tanks will fill automatically

Avoid the birdies

Press the space-bar to release the water over fire

Cancel everything else for the afternoon

[andrewf87]

Lol its a bit of fun :D addictive thats for sure

[hoyt for life 2]

this person knows how to make money i found this on trademe.co.nz[quote] $1 RES - ONE RED PAPER CLIP
Current bid: $26.00 | Reserve met | Closes: 2 hrs 50 mins


One red paper clip.
Excellent condition.

Held important documents in a time of need, no longer need now so selling on.

Measurements:
30mm High
10mm Wide

Hope this paper clip goes to a good home or office. Has served me well.

Happy Bidding.

Free shipping in NZ







Closes 12:21 pm, Wed 20 Jul. This auction may auto-extend.

Auction Number: 31231669

About the seller Payment / shipping
eskort (15 )
100% positive feedback
Member since October 2004
Address Verified
Jul 2005



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Location: North Shore, Auckland
Shipping: Free shipping in NZ
Payment: cash, bank deposit
SafeTrader:
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Current bid $26.00
Minimum next bid $27.00
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Bid history - 37 bids, showing latest 10
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

amount date time bidder
$26.00 20 Jul 8:45 am clark24 (19 )
$25.00 20 Jul 8:41 am gronko (22 )
$24.00 20 Jul 8:24 am lawt6 (2 )
$23.00 19 Jul 11:31 pm heuer (48 )
$21.00 19 Jul 11:28 pm peanut_chronic (15 )
$20.00 19 Jul 11:24 pm barakus (38 )
$18.00 19 Jul 11:19 pm lex17 (7 )
$17.00 19 Jul 11:13 pm lawt6 (2 )
$16.50 19 Jul 11:12 pm gar48 (5 )
$16.00 19 Jul 11:12 pm lawt6 (2 )

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Ask the seller a question
Hi, what shade of red would you say the clip is? posted by: ross95 (33 ) 2:13 pm, Wed 13 Jul
The picture given doesnt give the paper clip any credit. Paper clip itself is a lovely bright red one. NOT dark at all. Plastic coated. No scratches or rust on tips.

Yes, but is it nice and, you know, springy?? posted by: ross95 (33 ) 5:52 pm, Wed 13 Jul
Of course. Top quality.

Do you have this gorgeous item in any other colour? I am hoping you will say it comes in latte, because we all know that latte is the new black? Cheers and Best Wishes for a successful sale of the red one. Rivka posted by: idubee (192 ) 6:28 pm, Wed 13 Jul
Other colours are availible and will put in to who ever wins auction. I dont have the new latte but i do have blue, white and silver.

It looks very well-crafted. I wish I was able to give it a home, but alas, I cannot. posted by: aliop (204 ) 6:51 pm, Wed 13 Jul
Do not worry. This paper clip will find its way to a good home.

would you consider swap for a used stapple posted by: 64falcon (0 ) 7:21 pm, Wed 13 Jul
Condition of staple? Quality? Size?

10mm little bent but very shinny posted by: 64falcon (0 ) 7:29 pm, Wed 13 Jul
If my item does not sell I will swap.

Sorry, not really a question for you, but for falcon. How many staples do you have? I am looking for three, but they must be REALLY shiny. Rivka posted by: idubee (192 ) 9:18 pm, Wed 13 Jul
Other people cant see you comments untill i reply *big wink* make sure they heavy duty to mate otherwise they flimsy as chips

please add pictures from different angles. possibly standing on its head posted by: gertr (10 ) 7:58 pm, Thu 14 Jul
Do not have the correct stand for it sorry. Unless you have one.

Hi there, Would I be able to pop around and see it. Of special interest to me is the milege and general conditon. Thanks posted by: msfantastic (38 ) 8:09 pm, Thu 14 Jul
Sure you can. Has had about 14 hours use but still in perfect condition. Contact me on Vodafone: Two 1 six 3 four three zero

Hi, if I won this item would you be prepared to bubble wrap for postage? posted by: trayde2 (27 ) 9:28 pm, Thu 14 Jul
sure

Sorry forgot to ask.....do u have a buy now price? posted by: trayde2 (27 ) 9:31 pm, Thu 14 Jul
can do... what you thinking?

Do you have a buy now? Many thanks. posted by: netking (242 ) 10:11 am, Fri 15 Jul
i can put one up

Would you support safe trader if buyer pays? Got caught out when buying a post-it note that arrived torn hence my apprehension. posted by: biggles35 (7 ) 10:26 am, Fri 15 Jul
I will but iv never used it before

Any chance of putting a buy now on this item? I've been looking for some time for a paper clip like this one. posted by: kiwimarky (1 ) 12:27 pm, Fri 15 Jul
sure... wht u want 4 the buy now?

This is not that bloody smart clippie from Microsoft Office I hope? posted by: ross95 (33 ) 5:04 pm, Fri 15 Jul
oh no no this not a pixel. real. solid. tangible

Do you have a buy now price? posted by: micasso (39 ) 6:48 pm, Fri 15 Jul
what would u like it to be and i can do

I heard that Red paper clips carry a hefty insurance premium, is this the real reason for selling? posted by: b1nkynz (341 ) 9:47 pm, Fri 15 Jul
nah, jus no need for it anymore. made if the metal clip itself was made of titanium with extra heavy duty pvc plastic coating. but i can see where you are coming from

I would like to give this to my father as a present - if I win the auction, would you consider free gift wrapping with purchase? posted by: micasso (39 ) 2:42 pm, Sat 16 Jul
will do. got some nice shiny paper, would fit perfect into a match box would that do? plus a ribbon?

but is it art?.... posted by: vailima1 (146 ) 8:12 pm, Sat 16 Jul
i didnt say it was art. maybe art to urs eyes. trusty red paper clip to me

My friend who is a Doctor says that he thinks this paper clip is a little unwell and is suffering from hypertention and perhaps was not originally the deep red colour it is now. posted by: builderman (31 ) 8:15 pm, Sat 16 Jul
you should get your doctor friend to come round and have a look. its fine... and all his other coloured paperclip friends will prove that too

is it imported or a nz made paper clip,it looks very rare.thanks posted by: peppy4 (85 ) 8:56 pm, Sat 16 Jul
doesnt have made in china printed on it or anything. so we'll say its made by the crafty little men at the red paper clip company producing quality paper clips for people to hold their papery items together with red paper clips. Yea?

in your opinion how many pages could the paper clip comforably hold together without the odd page falling out,thanks posted by: peppy4 (85 ) 9:22 am, Sun 17 Jul
I wont check on this paper clip but will do on another thats exactly the same. but im guessing a comformitble 15-20 pages with no hassles. will post back when i have done

you must be sorry to see it go.it has obviously been a good faithful servant to you over the years. posted by: peppy4 (85 ) 3:51 pm, Sun 17 Jul
Yea sure was. sad to see it go but i know it will go to a better place.

Could you put a blue one up for auction? It's my favourite colour. posted by: km416 (33 ) 9:38 pm, Sun 17 Jul
can do... will do it asap. will be under same name except blue. also have a white one if you are interested

Hi, the picture is a little blurry but it look to me like this is a very rare clip from the ancient Botswana tribe papus clipius. This item could fetch at least $50000 on ebay, I suggest you move your auction to there. posted by: ratman.1 (34 ) 12:40 am, Mon 18 Jul
wow really .... maybe you should bid on it yourself and get it cheap... then sell it yourself. im not after big bucks

Seller Comment: *WILL BUBBLE WRAP PER BUYERS REQUEST*

How can I be sure that you are the real owner of this red paper clip? Does it come with a serial no.? posted by: traywig (22 ) 3:08 pm, Mon 18 Jul
who would steal a paper clip? anyway as YOU already know paper clips dont come with serial numbers... silly boy

is there any finance on it or anything else we should know about it,there is no reprosession order out on it.just to be sure posted by: peppy4 (85 ) 8:06 pm, Mon 18 Jul
all clean and clear

Can you guarantee that it is fragrance- and additive-free? posted by: aliop (204 ) 9:40 pm, Mon 18 Jul
Christ... what are you on?

Please confirm that no animals have been harmed during the manufacture of this superp item. posted by: netking (242 ) 5:47 am, Tue 19 Jul
no animals OR humans for that fact

Are you the original owner of the paper clip, or did you get it second hand. If so, do you know the approximate age, make and model of this fine piece of work??Cheers. Dave. posted by: d.whistler (1 ) 5:35 pm, Tue 19 Jul
First owner, aproximate age is aproximatly one week now thats only aproximatly though. Only used for two days. Cant remember make sorry biffed the bag in the rubbish. Adtional features of the paper clip are it being plastic coated. Doesnt cut into paper when your sliding it on!

Stoked it is covered in plastic...but wondering if the other side is in as immaculate condition as the one photographed. I am only asking this, as I have been disappointed once before by using a slightly damaged plastic covered clip, only to find a SEVERE (nearly 1/2mm long) rust stain left on a document (and that was after only 7 years of use!!)Don't wish this to happen again....Cheers.Dave. posted by: d.whistler (1 ) 6:51 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Mate... gutted. I know what you mean. I always go for plastic coated now. Plus you can colour coordinate your documents if you have a selection to choose from. NO tricks or scams. One lovely red paper clip.

Hi,can i view item before i bid? posted by: dex8 (8 ) 7:43 pm, Tue 19 Jul
sure... give me a text... my no further up on another q

Hi, Does the clip come with instructions? Thanks posted by: smatey (new ) 7:43 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Were you dropped as a baby? Sorry mate... my heart felt apologies to you

Hi there, if I win this auction would it be possible to pay it off on hire purchase? thanks posted by: kecurnuts1 (87 ) 7:49 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Christ... this auctions like flies to sh!t.... poor people... slow people. Sorry to say no. Look down behind your couch cushions and stuff

I hate to be a ney-sayer but , jeez, all the power people used writing all these questions is worth more than that paper clip itself... posted by: lettuce1 (16 ) 7:50 pm, Tue 19 Jul
No harm in good fun.

It certainly does sound like the PERFECT clip really. If I am outbid however, I am wondering if you have, or know where I could get a rubber band. You probably know the sort:70mm long(unstretched) 180mm(full extension)5mm wide.The last one I had, ended in tears with it snapping (I didn't notice the perishing rubber until 2 late)...they just don't make them 2 last these days..12 years use only!!!Gutted. Cheers. Dave. posted by: d.whistler (1 ) 7:50 pm, Tue 19 Jul
I could ask the office supplies guy... i know what u mean mate i know what you mean. get a bike tyre tube and cut it to the same as a rubber band... might break your fingers trying to strech but not the band

Would you accept some sort of layby payment? :D posted by: woosh (15 ) 8:20 pm, Tue 19 Jul
could you scrounge around? or break your kids/brothers/sisters piggy bank? even better go do some busking. put a little sign and say that you want to buy the red paper clip on trademe... now theres an idea

What's is the weight of your paper clip? Don't wanna be carrying too much weight around as I already have a heavy load in by briefcase. posted by: shadowz (74 ) 8:24 pm, Tue 19 Jul
just pump those steriods and you wont notice it there. i dont have scales that go that low sorry. maybe a gram or 2.... sorry cant be of more assistance

Lovin' it :-) posted by: diamond (128 ) 8:27 pm, Tue 19 Jul
thanks

hi i was just woundering if u will be putting any more paper clips on in the near future beceause as of this moment i do not hav the funds to purchase it posted by: cameron321 (0 ) 8:32 pm, Tue 19 Jul
I can do... someone has requested a blue one... that will be going up as soon as i have a pic on the computer... give me a txt if you want and i will add one up

I like that clip ya got there mate. but don't ya think its a bit expensive chap i could buy a bag of them for the price also i like your style turn **** to honey. posted by: priddz (8 ) 8:36 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Buy a bag if you please. But it just wont be the same.

you mentioned further up the list that you tested one "exactly the same"? i was hoping it was a one off special eddition? but obviously not? how many were produced in the series? posted by: fozzy69 (42 ) 8:37 pm, Tue 19 Jul
It was an excellent paper when i used it, i could say it was special edition, but its only special. Extremely special infact. But being special has created this well manufactured, refined, and produced peice of small metal warpped in a plastic coating aproximatly being in my care for the duration of one week. So in conclusion... this paper clip is special. in answer to the last question: have you every tried to count all the sugar grains in a kilo bag? But in syaing that each one is unqiue in t

hey mate i know that your selling a clip but do you know where i can find a used staple posted by: wankel (34 ) 8:42 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Sure, got a few? give me your specifications of what you want and i'll do my best to match it

Has this clip come from a smoke free environment? posted by: brettbailey (36 ) 8:42 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Indeed, yes, affirmative, positive. Smokefree envrionment.

I am so pleased that someone has the balls to face the stupid questions and to answer them honestly, tuh!serial number I ask you. I just wanted to give you my support & hope you get the true value of your trusty freind posted by: pongo1990 (188 ) 8:47 pm, Tue 19 Jul
thanks alot... great to have support out there

Is this a right or left handed paper clip? You know, if you had'nt thrown away the original packaging, you could have gotten a lot more for this paper clip, I would have offered $10 for that! posted by: ashy1 (5 ) 8:47 pm, Tue 19 Jul
I didnt know there was a difference between left and right handed paper clips. its symetrical! except for the start and end of the wire?!

Can I pay it off over a while, say, three years? Could I have an interest-free period and deferred payments for, say, a year or two? That would be really helpful - making it truly affordable. Thanks!!! posted by: safenetbuy (67 ) 8:48 pm, Tue 19 Jul
I pity you.

Do you have a tensile strength rating on the clip i need one for a heavy duty job? Also do you have one finished in pearlescent paint? posted by: acura1 (32 ) 8:50 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Oh mate! I GOT THE PERFECT ONE FOR YOU!!! I have a huge mother of one... pop me your email or you want to see it up on trademe?

Just gotta say bid like crazy all u punters. This is one special p.clip, and the seller is truly doing the hard yards! Just envision it, mounted, in a frame, backed by all the dialogue here.. great conversation piece, real style! posted by: pennz (129 ) 8:50 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Thanks alot :D

yea i was lookin for a right handed one. i cant stand those left handed ones they just dont work. this looks like one of those cheap nasty lefty's? posted by: fozzy69 (42 ) 8:54 pm, Tue 19 Jul
im right handed myself, this beauty works a charm for me

Does it come with a good warranty? I would be prepared to pay up to $100 for one, you know, like Noel Leeming sell on their stuff? posted by: safenetbuy (67 ) 8:54 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Free waranty, if it bends or breaks on usage, i'll send a replacement... cannot guarantee you on same colour though sorry

Can I have a $5 discount for paying on time? Oh and you can't have a real auction without this one, "What is your reserve"? posted by: safenetbuy (67 ) 8:55 pm, Tue 19 Jul
You can have another paper clip, staple (used or unused), rubber band, broken blue biro pen, or a tac for free if you pay on time. Your choice. Reserve pretty obvious i thought $1 as per title. You had your eyes checked recently :P

Hi. Are you able to supply in a kitset form with assembly instructions, and please advise how many pieces? -- Thanks SH posted by: puzzler1 (203 ) 8:59 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Where you from bud? Paper clip is a single item requires no assembly. 1 peice, will be wrapped in anti-static bag, and bubble wrap for buyers protection.

What is the length of the paper clip when it is straighted out? I REALLY need to know because I need a paper clip so I can get my damn CD out of the drive! posted by: ashy1 (5 ) 9:00 pm, Tue 19 Jul
if you want to do this to this paper clip i suggest you find just a plain metal one, that'll do the trick... even a hair pin??

WHY R U SELLIN A BLOODY PAPER CLIP?! posted by: buysmart (21 ) 9:01 pm, Tue 19 Jul
WHY MUST YOU TALK IN CAPS??? IM GETTING THROUGH ALL THE QUESTIONS!!! EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE NOW POPPING UP FASTER THAN I CAN ANSWER THEM. No harm in good fun

Just interested in if it passed its latest warrent of fitness? I noticed a little discolouration around one of the corners and methinks that could be rust. posted by: curmudgeon (116 ) 9:15 pm, Tue 19 Jul
The picture taken gives the paper clip no justice. No rust on this paper clip or discolouration for that matter

Hi I was looking for a laptop, but would settle for a paper clip. How much memory has it got? Is it upgradable? What's the storage capacity - one piece paper or multiple? posted by: kennethlim (3 ) 9:17 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Has less memory than a pencil... so id say about zip? you could get it painted or recoated if the condition worsened. So yea its upgradable, could colour it in with a vivid. Multiple peices of paper too, but depending on paper quality and type density etc will greatly modify what this paper clip can hold to its 'maxium capacity'

Hi there. What a gorgeous shade of red!!!!. Do you think that this artistic peice of office equipment would be strong enough to hold my 18DDD bra together? The fastener on it has broken and this overwelming erotic peice of perfection would be great. Thanks and i'm really looking forward to your reply. posted by: darchonnay (621 ) 9:17 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Some peoples i never understand. It will hold but for how long i dont know the whole lot goes sideways or... whatever. im a skinny runt so i cant help you with this one sorry. Did you think of using plastic bags (your recycling - thats 2 browny points atleast), a wooden peg might do the trick. but yes i agree, lil red paper clip would sure set things off

Do you do hire purchase? posted by: cosmos325 (1 ) 9:19 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Um... maybe if you were buying my car with everything in it... otherwise not today sorry

You look like a honest seller - watch out for Nigerian scammers. Don't get clipped as they bid mega-bucks but they are worth less than a dime. posted by: kennethlim (3 ) 9:20 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Thanks for the advice, and concern. Much appreciated

You can get a box of this at warehouse stationary for $2.95..What is your answer to buy now $1 cash deal. I can pay today. posted by: snoopysmurf (4 ) 9:22 pm, Tue 19 Jul
In life we have a million options and choices. What you decide and do is up to you and you alone. The choice is yours. I'll wait till the auction ends thanks, but i'll keep you in mind

Hi, I was just wondering if this was a "Homing Paper Clip"? The only reason that I ask is that some time ago whilst working in a office enviroment, my paper clip dissapeared, twas a sad moment. Several weeks later a colleague spotted it in a "Clip Dispenser" it obviously was pinning for family. I don't know if I can go through all that trauma again. Please confirm it's "No Homing Status" Thanks posted by: v8_hoon (43 ) 9:23 pm, Tue 19 Jul
You could always tie it to a peice of string and have it hanging off your skirt/trousers? then it could be a pet?

Will you ship to Nigeria? posted by: mr20v (20 ) 9:25 pm, Tue 19 Jul
I got warned about your types... read through the other posts -.-

Will the paper clip...very lovely clip it is indeed...be ok to be sold by itself...after all it must of shared the office with many other very fine paper clips as well. It won't get lonely will it. Will I need to buy other clips to keep it company. Or perhaps this clip could be a bit of a loner? posted by: gronko (22 ) 9:40 pm, Tue 19 Jul
I can throw in its white buddy if you want? Or plain silver so its with one of its kinds?

trick clip dude... wanna swap for a subaru legacy?? pearlescent latte in colour ?? do ya ???? posted by: soma2 (20 ) 9:49 pm, Tue 19 Jul
GT? Manual? Modifications? Im happy with the car iv got at the moment tho. Please supply more information thanks

I have another Red paper clip here and it's been lonely for about a fortnight. It needs a companion, maybe we can get lucky and find that they are a breeding couple !!! posted by: dreamtoys (67 ) 9:53 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Some people are sick. I'll sell it to you.... but what if they the same sex? that could be a disaster

this is a ****ing good auction, hope u fetch wat ur after buddy. !~ posted by: bradez (27 ) 10:01 pm, Tue 19 Jul
I didnt expect people to place bids... im astounded by the views and feedback im getting from it. Goodfun... i cant keep up with the questions... every few seconds my msn thing pops up saying new email!

hi i was just wondering how you came about such a paperclip, i mean i've been searching for years, then one day i saw a strange light and hevanly sound comming from my computer then i found it, my dream clip i thank-you sir posted by: lex17 (7 ) 10:03 pm, Tue 19 Jul
some things you stumble upon. i guess this was one of them :D

Is this the deluxe version, dual function clip. Use also to open CDROM trays. If so, its worth double whats being offered. posted by: swimeasy (13 ) 10:03 pm, Tue 19 Jul
i never knew paperclips were so complex.... missing twins, springyness, bra holders, nail cleaners, cdrom openers, nigrian bidders,functionabililty, capabilities. Next some one will as if it can change their tyre to a space saver. or cook their eggs

Hi, Can you provide and invoice so I can claim back the GST if I decide to make a bid? posted by: brains (17 ) 10:04 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Sure i can make you... my next favourite hobby.. designing stuff... will make you a right flash one if you win

paper clip paperclip..oh how wonderful art thou...let me rub your smooth red corners... posted by: jegostik1 (166 ) 10:07 pm, Tue 19 Jul
The fetish's some people have. Please dont post that again.

Seller Comment: **I WOULD LOVE TO ANSWER ALL YOU QUESTIONS/COMMENTS/QUESRIES BUT IM GETTING BLASTED WITH THEM... SORRY IF I DONT GET BACK TO*** :D

hey are u a bit lost in the head bud?weirdo posted by: maxwell2 (44 ) 10:08 pm, Tue 19 Jul
All marbles accounted for, screws on tight, maybe its these great little green pills im taking?

Hi, Just wondering if this paper clip is adopted. It looks just like the one I have at home was one of twins who were separated at birth. posted by: moodyblues (188 ) 10:12 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Wow... i never thought of that... buy it and you can do a DNA check and all sorts. Other people have commented on this clip being lonely.. you may have the answers for us all

I have reason to believe that your item is in fact stolen. Should you fail to produce proof of ownership prior to the end of this auction, I will have no choice but to report you to TM, the pigs, and the woman who lives at the end of my street. Do you also have my 1975 Mark 3 Cortina? posted by: redbeech (337 ) 10:15 pm, Tue 19 Jul
For one: stealing goes against my morals and beleifs. Therefore your first statement is incorrect. Pigs is an incorrect term and is disrespectful :P Now i get to beat you with a stick... That 'woman' happens to be my butch aunty so dont mess with mate. I dont have a 75 mk3 cort sorry. i got a toyota windom. sorry to disapoint

I sometimes get crud stuck under my nails and require the aid of a bent paperclip to dig it outa there but the ones at work are sometimes a little sharp with jaggerd edges and damage the delicate skin. some of them will even make grooves for dirt to hide in making the situation worse and possibly causing bacteria to grow. Are the tips smoothe? Rounded off? Is this the paperclip for me? posted by: lawt6 (2 ) 10:17 pm, Tue 19 Jul
The plastic coating finishes even with the metal, so held at the correct angle and with corect application of force added to the clip and pressuring underneath the nail this instrument could be very effective. *Kids dont try at home* may also take some practice.

My last paper clip was unfaithful and ran off with my boyfriend.You say that yours is loyal.I couldn't stand to lose another.Can it be trusted? posted by: junket (30 ) 10:18 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Temptations to the darkside. I am sorry for your loss. This paper clip is faithful... i vouch for that. I thaught it my morals and understanding, beleifs, i hope it follows through. i beleive it can be trusted yes.

do u think a 50 dolla buy now would be ok or were u thinking more? posted by: cameron321 (0 ) 10:20 pm, Tue 19 Jul
I never expected to get a single bid. Bid till you get your jollies mate

do u think a 50 dolla buy now would be ok or were u thinking more? posted by: cameron321 (0 ) 10:20 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Sticky keyboard or mouse?

I REALLY need that item. Ihave bits of paper everywhere and I have never seen such a fantastic invention. Have they been invented long. Are you the first to ever get one? PS Have bidded and crossing fingers, legs and everything else ;) posted by: grant3 (70 ) 10:24 pm, Tue 19 Jul
thanks for the bid :D hard to keep up with what is happening... my mobile and emails getting spammed. i feel sorry for your. Underprivelaged like that. I do beleive they have been around for a long time, but vast improvements have been made on them. I am far from the first to get one... but none are so special as this one

Don't be so harsh about your aunty. SHe's not that butch, and neither is her wife posted by: redbeech (337 ) 10:24 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Low blow. You know that bat above the door? she'll use it if shes gets word of what your saying. Or the plastic coat hanger. This conversation is rapidly deteriating...

is this a joke, i cant belive people are actually bidding, good luck any way. Did u buy the paperclip or steal it form work posted by: philedwards (1 ) 10:30 pm, Tue 19 Jul
as posted before i dont steal. this isnt a joke, if i receive payment i'll post it off all wraped up.

I have been looking for such a device for some time - however, I am concerned the plastic coating may leave marks. Do you know if "one" (is that its first name?) has a none staining coating? posted by: andy1960 (2 ) 10:35 pm, Tue 19 Jul
more complex questions to add to the complexity of the paper clip. didnt leave a mark when i used it, so yea non staining coating

What a laugh ! This is a featured item on the TradeMe home page, explains why you are getting swamped with hits. I think the paperclip will blitz the frigate - after all, which would you rather have on your desk ?! posted by: muzzaf (2 ) 10:37 pm, Tue 19 Jul
i did it for a hoot. and i got more than i bargained for. great fun though. imagine if it made it to the news...

Has this paper clip come from a smoke-free environment? posted by: lanta (20 ) 10:39 pm, Tue 19 Jul
This was asked earlier, this paper clip did come from a nonsmoking environment though... to save you scrolling through the goggleplexinfinty questions

I was more after a trained bulldog clip. Do you happen to have any of those that have been trained to "sit" and "stay"? Cheers posted by: nz_magenta (33 ) 10:49 pm, Tue 19 Jul
im lost a bulldog clip? iv got a massive clip... long as my index finger... please elaborate on this bulldog clip

you hav alot more patience than i would hav with all these questions, hope you get your money. this is great, will it be a repeated auction with different colours or is it a one off posted by: philedwards (1 ) 10:50 pm, Tue 19 Jul
well iv had requests for the blue so i guess i'll do it tomorrow. might put up a few other crazy auctions. the response has been great, good fun for all i think. my ass is getting sore iv been sitting in this chair so long, and since iv been typing this another 5 questions just came in... might have to leave the rest till tomorrow.

Are the procedes of this auction going to charity? posted by: thomojnr (0 ) 10:50 pm, Tue 19 Jul
More clips?

Was this paper clip the same one that starred in the (in)famous Microsoft office help system ... what was his name now??... ah yes... Clippy...? If so that should push up the price! posted by: rcooke (50 ) 10:51 pm, Tue 19 Jul
These clips maybe distant relations, but i dont think so, anyway those helpers hacked me off. especially that stupid dog one. RUFF RUFF i know how to type RUFF

An example of a bulldog clip is shown at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulldog_clip. As you can see this appears to be a partially trained bulldog, as it is "playing dead". :) posted by: nz_magenta (33 ) 10:54 pm, Tue 19 Jul
oooOOOOOoooOOOOOhhhhHHH one of those. they great fun. i got one of thos but currently untrained. those nasty things bite, last one nearly ripped my nipple off. Get back to me bought the old bulldog

Seller Comment: i dont see why it cant go to a charity? hopefully these bidders are being serious, if so i'll do it

My pink paper clip has fallen in Love with your red one, but wants to be sure it's a boy before we bid. Can you confirm? posted by: munch1 (23 ) 10:57 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Where do i look? This better not be a hands on experience

Hi, I think I might sell one piece of white paper for the paper clip. What do you think? posted by: brains (17 ) 11:00 pm, Tue 19 Jul
up to u. good choice of colour as it will contrast with red thefore making it brighter. make sure you use quailty paper, or even photo quality (gloss)

You people are all demented,pathetic,crazy fools that need your heads read by a shrink.Don't you know that these types of "RED"(if it is really red)paperclips cannot adapt to another environment outside the ones it has been accustomed to. posted by: dolfin4 (new ) 11:02 pm, Tue 19 Jul
someones jealous they didnt think of it first... how does one know so much about paperclips? no harm in good fun

My daughter who lives in London wants one of these. She reckons she saw one of these (exactly the same)on the tube about 4 months ago. Could yours' be the same one? posted by: graeme_27 (2 ) 11:02 pm, Tue 19 Jul
No idea sorry, could be... but this ones special... no other quite like it

I'm going halves in this with someone if won as neither of us have enough paper or enough money for individual paperclips. Even between us I'm not so sure we will have enough paper.... hmm... what other stuff do you think this could be useful for? I'm not so sure I would get the best response from the other shareholder if I used it to dig the crud out from under my nails. posted by: lawt6 (2 ) 11:04 pm, Tue 19 Jul
This list could never end but heres a few; my favourite the bra holder. also nail cleaner, paper clip!,cd rom opener, pet, some find it eroctic so i'll let your imagination fly... sorry i cant think of more right now im hitting the sack, my ass hands and keyboard need a rest

I just noticed my paper clip is of same colour and description. I have reported you having used my product picture. On lighter side my report always gave you top marks for being original. posted by: kennethlim (3 ) 11:05 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Many paper clips are the same... jus this ones better. Killjoy mate killjoy

Hey I think your paperclip maybe anorexic - it certainly is thin. Maybe you could give it steroids to beef it up for its big trip away. posted by: rcooke (50 ) 11:06 pm, Tue 19 Jul
NO drugs thanks... papers clips are always thin???

I am a talent scout looking for red paper clips just likes yours, does it sing and dance? Can it do cartwheels? Any amazing paper tricks? posted by: girlee7 (11 ) 11:10 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Cripes... i only got it to hold paper.... look at all this unfound potentional. I have it securely put away to make sure it doesnt go missing... its become quite famous at work

Bid hard people.Can u make RSPCA a choice of charities mate?Good on ya.U don't really need your head read,the paperclip already is. posted by: dolfin4 (new ) 11:13 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Ahh your very clever. I like your play on words. No problem with that... you can forewarn them in advance that'l they be gettin a donation

Will you trade for a pre-loved beer can? posted by: girlee7 (11 ) 11:14 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Nah sorry... got more than plenty

Did you get a patent before starting this Auction, see some tosser who asked a question has now started his own auction using your test and photo. I wonder if he really has a red paper clip at all. posted by: bestie (3 ) 11:15 pm, Tue 19 Jul
NO... if someone wants to copy what im doing thats fine... but after its been repeated it doesnt hve the same effect... originality. Its a shame really, they could have done like a clothesline peg or a bit of sellotape. You know who the dude is?

hi any chance of removeing my bid if not bid over i clicked it by accident posted by: peanut_chronic (15 ) 11:28 pm, Tue 19 Jul
i think you got beat mate so no worries

Just wondering if I win the auction whether you can deliver by the 25th of July? It just that it's my wife and my 2nd wedding anniversary on that day (no joke)and I hear that clip comes after paper. She'll be ever so suprised. It will go great with the A4 sheet of paper I gave her last year. I'll make a bid anyway in the hope you can. posted by: heuer (48 ) 11:30 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Fast post it will be then, can be done as long as i receive payment on time. Will be in antistatic bag, bubble wrap and anything else i can think of when the time comes

Hi, I am thinking of purchasing this paper clip for investment purposes, would you be able to provide proof of ownership and certification that the clip I receive is the actual paper clip in the auction photo, Thanks. posted by: barakus (38 ) 11:35 pm, Tue 19 Jul
i have the cold hard evidence... the paperclip. I could look through my wallet for the receipt but thatl take a few weeks. I'll make a special ownership cert for the one who wins

Am I missing something here?? This is just a regular office paper clip right or is there something special about this? So why is the bid currently at $24?? posted by: taish (69 ) 11:50 pm, Tue 19 Jul
Super special plastic coated red paper clip... may have some relations, many uses i now know of, and is becmoing world famous in nz now

oh my godness...what a nice paper clip.... it's looks so nice...just wanna ask u how much to ship to chch? any chance buy now? cheers posted by: cati33 (7 ) 12:03 am, Wed 20 Jul
Free shipping in nz.... just bid away... i wont be getting the money anymore (RSPCA) as by a request of a trader earlier

would you consider pick up, I could bring my yellow one and my extra large silver one to see if they would get on! You mentioned the "Force" has this clip come from another planet, does it glow in the dark and make a humming noice, does it?!?! [:-} posted by: sarcasm1 (156 ) 12:10 am, Wed 20 Jul
Pick is fine.. no not from another planet well not to my knowledge, just very special

I hope that for twenty four dollars you can replace the keys on your computer otherwise don't sell it, they would be ripping you off. And anyway how could you do that to such a fine looking piece of talent. posted by: dwj (1 ) 12:17 am, Wed 20 Jul
It will be going to a better place, and for a good cause too now. Keys are fine... the batteries in the cordless keyboard are just about dead though

Hi, I am currently a recruitment agent for Elite Paper Clips, and Ford Clipping Agency. I am pleased to say that the hype surrounding

[unclepete]

:rofl:

Love the comments :)

[2Dogs]

Something we've all been wanting to do :D

http://www.somethingwrong.co.uk/crazy_frog_baseball/

[Eberbachl]

Something we've all been wanting to do :D

http://www.somethingwrong.co.uk/crazy_frog_baseball/

Thanks Paul!

I've been wanting to that for a long time!

:D

What a relief!

:bday:

[abaggs]

:rofl:

I have!

[The One]

Wicked cool!

[Foxcub]

u will all like this one http://www.2flashgames.com/viewlink.php?url=http://www.lookatentertainment.com/v/v-1406.htm&id=1745

[CMB50]

Something we've all been wanting to do :D

http://www.somethingwrong.co.uk/crazy_frog_baseball/

Oh thats so much better! 8)

[Jason.P]

I've been wanting to do that

[Flehrad]

Carlton Big Ad
http://www.bigad.com.au/

Rexona
http://www.boardsmag.com/screeningroom/commercials/1691/

[OldDog]

That beer ad is just too cool.
The other one that really makes me laugh is the hahn premium light ad. The look on the chicks face is priceless. :o

[CMB50]

http://www.archery-forum.com/uploads/Warnabrothe110.jpg

[Foxcub]

:rofl: thats good cmb50

[Aarleks]

Rexona
http://www.boardsmag.com/screeningroom/commercials/1691/

Ha! I saw that add being shot in the Rocks a few months ago. Wondered what it was for.

[beetle]

Need your monitor cleaned?



http://www.legrady.hu/sc.html

[stodrette]

OSAMA & THE GENIE

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a Bottle on a
beach and picked it up.

Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said "Master,
may I grant you one wish?"

"You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't
need any common woman giving me anything" barked Bin Laden. The shocked
genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that
bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman
and said "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in
the morning. So just do it and be off with you!"

The annoyed genie said, "So be it !" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya
Harding, and Hillary Clinton.

His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.

God is good

[bigfella]

There is humour at AA after all :lol: :lol: :lol:

http://www.archery.org.au/scripts/cgiip.exe/WService=ASP0009/ccms.r?Roxy=0x00071781&PageId=10279

[wiggles]

Just found this; http://www.mcsaatchi.webcentral.com.au/tennischallenge/optus_tennis_site_edited.html

[unclepete]

Cool.

[Clare Barnes]

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."













The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate." :D

[Eolla]

A lady goes into a downtown Baghdad boutique, tries on an all covering black number, does the left-right swivel in front of the mirror and asks the shopkeeper, "Does my Bomb look big in this?"

[robbo]

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything!

[Clare Barnes]

How to Treat a Rude Customer

An award should go to the gate attendant at Luqa airport. A crowded Malta-London flight was cancelled. She was the lone attendant in charge of re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please?" she began. With her voice being heard clearly throughout the terminal, she said, "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

[Clare Barnes]

Clever Signs

Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..."

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tyre Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive"

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary! We hear you coming"

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

[Shermo]

Have a look at this clip from AT :lol:

http://www.archerytalk.com/vb/showthread.php?t=213795

[jamie]

this got emailed to one of my co-workers, had everyone in the office in hysterics this morning...

http://www.izpitera.ru/lj/tetka.swf

click on her as she falls and you can drag her around and force her between bubbles, or just make her dangle in the air.

[CMB50]

That is fantastic! Nice find! :D

[dbjac]

thats awesome! but looks very painful...

[BrokenArr0w]

ha, how good is that.!

[unclepete]

You can move her by various parts of her body. So far I've got hips, head and hand (either).

[Jason.P]

That is bizzare but fun to drop and watch

[robbo]

:-?

[2Dogs]

If only my Mrs could make moves like that :wink:

[jamie]

If only my Mrs could make moves like that :wink:

i knew someone would make a reply like that, lol

it is bizzare, but funny, if you drag her fast enough, her limbs start to pull apart

[CMB50]

If only my Mrs could make moves like that :wink:

i knew someone would make a reply like that, lol

it is bizzare, but funny, if you drag her fast enough, her limbs start to pull apart


Yeah, and you can jam different body parts between the balls... :o

[frommy]

That what I call Cam timing! :roll: :lol:

[2Dogs]

:D...tis fun watching her put her ears between her ankles and then.....POP! out the other side those tiny cracks :D

.....kinda like watching Child Birth :wink: .............without the placenta :wink:

[mbomike]

:D...tis fun watching her put her ears between her ankles and then.....POP! out the other side those tiny cracks :D

.....kinda like watching Child Birth :wink: .............without the placenta :wink:

Hurl..... :roll: There goes breakfast :(

[Mark]

Anyone seen this ?? The office was in stiches


Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing
this.

Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in
Sydney.